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A Father’s Day Gift Guide Inspired By Haunting Stock Photos

For many people – fathers, mainly – Father’s Day is the most important time of the year.

It's a time for families to give fathers presents and celebrate them because they are the best thing that anyone can be: a father.

And yet every year, countless families completely blow it when it comes to celebrating these fathers, handing out lame, depressing gifts that go right in the trash, where they belong.

Ties, Andre Rieu CDs, home weight lifting equipment that only focuses on the lower body… Father’s Day gift-giving has become a field of nightmares, frustrating the gift giver and infuriating the recipient.

Does this sound like you and your family? Of course it does. Shame on you.

The good news is that there’s hope.

I have taken the liberty of literally saving your family by putting together a Father’s Day gift guide that’s solely inspired by the kind of terrifying stock photos used by websites everywhere. 

It might seem counterintuitive to seek gift inspiration from such a horrifying source, but if you clicked on this article, you’re probably so desperate that you’ll try anything. 

In that case, welcome!

I encourage you to buy all of these gifts for the father in your life. I will be shocked -- shocked! -- if he doesn’t love them. And on the off chance he doesn’t love them, it might be useful to remind him that the world is awash in catastrophe. Time for some perspective, fella. Seriously.

On with the gift guide!

A box that Dad’s not allowed to look directly at because of its blinding mystical powers
Does Dad dare open THE BOX? (Image: Getty)
A striped tie that looks like it’s just been worn -- but by whom? And when? No one will ever know…
This tie is haunted. (Image: Getty)
A pretend moustache from the 1920s plus a bow-tie and a shirt and tie combo that can not be worn by a human
These gifts were made with black magic. (Image: Getty)
A box that, when looked upon directly, causes ceaseless maniacal laughter
No one can stop laughing, thanks to THE BOX. (Image: Getty)
A much needed jab in the eye with a paint brush
If the eye isn't infected, it will be a Father's Day miracle. (Image: Getty)
For the Dad who has no shirt… balloons and a snail drawing. Or is it a turkey? Doesn't matter. Where is this guy's shirt?!
Everyone loves a shirtless Father's Day. (Image: Getty)
Prevent Dad from blowing a hole in the space-time continuum by looking at these depressing flowers
Don't look at the flowers! (Image: Getty)
For the love of God, do not let Dad look at THE BOX...
Dad is not going to like what's in THE BOX. (Image: Getty)
Look at what THE BOX did to poor Cameron Diaz:
A giant, boulder-sized golf ball...
Only on Father's Day could you get away with giving a ball this big as a gift. (Image: Getty)
... that is guaranteed to crush Dad if he’s not careful
"Run, Dad! Your Father's Day Gift is going to crush you!" (Image: Paramount Pictures/Getty)
A medal for wearing the same vest every day for the last 85 years
This is my favourite vest. (Image: Getty)
Please get help from a family member to prevent Dad from looking at this BOX
Must... not... look at... THE BOX. (Image: Getty)
A stern baseball that reminds a Dad with Memento-style memory problems of his parental responsibilities
I'm a Dad. The baseball says so. (Image: Getty)
A pointless flower is often a better option than the uncontainable power of THE BOX
We were foolish to toy with the awesome might of THE BOX. (Image: Getty)