Anyone Who Thinks Crunchy Is Better Than Smooth Is Peanuts
Crunchy or smooth? It's the age-old office debate that extends way beyond the water cooler for no reason.
The answer is simple: Smooth is a far superior spread any and every day of the week.
Don't even try to convince me that the squeaking as you chew and the five minutes of trying to suck peanuts out of your teeth is worth it, because it's not.
As one of my 10 daily colleagues said: "Why would you want to make it hard for yourself when you will get the same result?"
Eating smooth peanut butter is like putting your car on cruise control on an open highway -- it's easy, carefree and enjoyable.
Eating crunchy on the other hand is like being stuck in Sydney's CBD in peak hour -- it's hard, loud, frustrating and always regrettable.
You spread and there are holes, you chew and the peanuts squeak, you swallow and are forced to dig your fingers into your mouth to pick the nuts out of your teeth.
The only positive when it comes to crunchy is the delicious taste you eventually have the chance to enjoy once it smooths out. But why wait? It's basically smooth peanut butter with a few peanuts sprinkled in at the end to satisfy those who physically enjoy making life that much harder.
And for those of you who claim that crunchy peanut butter has just as much culinary fortitude as creamy, then you're lying.
It bakes better, it mixes in smoothies better, it makes sauces silkier and it's easier to spread onto a carrot or apple for an afternoon snack.
This guy summed it up pretty darn well:
And thank you, Brad:
Yes, crunchy was the OG peanut butter, but only because manufacturers hadn't realised that a creamier version was a bajillion times better.
I will admit, there are no specific statistics that back that up -- even our 10 daily poll is inconclusive.
At the time of writing, our Facebook followers were all about the smooth, but on Twitter, it was the complete opposite, with crunchy winning by a landslide.
What statistics I do have, relate to social media and date back to January -- hear me out.
Roughly 20 percent of Australians are active on Twitter each month -- basically no one -- while 60 percent of us are active on Facebook.
So, statistically, Facebook is polling a larger and broader audience who have voted for Smooth as the country's favourite peanut spread.
Mix that with plain old common sense and we have ourselves the sweet smell of victory.
Life is nutty enough without crunchy peanut butter, sit back with your favourite brand and relax. Because you can with smooth.
CHANGE IS GOOD, PEOPLE!