Tanya Hennessy: I Have A Big Problem And Marie Kondo Can't Help

There is a new show on Netflix every 20 minutes.

Most of it's mediocre (*cough* Birdbox *cough*) and doesn’t really interest me -- unless of course it’s about food, drag queens or cats.

BUT… when I saw Marie Kondo’s show advertised, I was like… I will watch that!

I haven’t. Because I’m back watching old RuPaul's Drag Race for the fourth time (knowing the episodes makes it easier to be on your phone and watch TV) …

But I will.

The thing is, I am a big fan of any individual or show that makes hoarders throw out their stuff.

Why? Because I hate hoarders. I don’t get it. it infuriates me that people hold onto shit. It makes me anxious.

Because, I have the opposite issue. I do the opposite. I think I might be alone when I say I love throwing things away. It’s my favourite thing to do. I’m a reverse hoarder.

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I actually don’t understand hoarders.  I hate holding on to anything. Throwing things away is the most addictive thing ever. It’s legitimately a miracle I have anything left in my house.

Where most hoarders can’t get rid of any of their stuff, I on the other hand feel an intense compulsion to rid myself of anything and everything. I have an overwhelming urgency to free myself from the stuff I don’t need, want, or use.

I’m that person scuttering around while a TV show is on rummaging through my cupboards for things to ditch.  I’ll throw out devices, extension cords, hangers, magazines, clothing, pens, picture frames, clothes...

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I move a lot, so one thing I need to find when I move is the Salvation Army donation bins so I can throw things away.

It’s weird, hey?

I also love to throw other people’s stuff away. So, don’t let me come to your house if you want to keep your possessions. If you mention to me you need to throw some stuff away -- I will throw half your house out!

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It’s probably some psychological issue that I should consult someone about. Because I have thrown out brand new shoes, make-up, and in my haste to rid myself of extra crap, I accidently threw out a $100 voucher and $700 in cash. (I have accidently thrown out brand new clothes too, thinking they were for the Salvos).

I’ve thrown out memorabilia from travelling that I now really miss. I’ve thrown out so many of my childhood toys and memories.

I also threw out a portable hard drive with every photo and video I took overseas. I've gone to the extreme and need to stop. I KNOW.

But, here is a novel idea -- maybe I should stop buying crap? Well… maybe we all should stop buying crap. I have seen people watching Marie Kondo's show and throwing out stuff by the truckload and I think -- wow, this should serve us as a lesson, we really don’t need all of this crap.

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Buy quality over quantity and, as Kondo herself says, when you go to purchase, ask, “does this spark joy?”… if not, don’t purchase it.

Ah consumerism.

So -- Network 10, if you want to create a chubbier, lazier version of Marie Kondo's show… I’m in.

Feature Image: Konmari Media Inc/Getty