A Gender-Neutral Santa Is A Ho-Ho-Horrible Idea

Santa Claus should be what-now?

Gender-neutral, according to a recent beat up based on the results of a survey given to 400 people in the UK and US on ways Christmas could become more modernised.

I’m not sure the view of 400 people accurately reflects the opinion of a worldwide population. The actual results of the survey showed a majority of people still believed Santa should be male, with just over 10 percent voting female, and only 18.64 percent voting gender neutral. So we probs don’t need to be too concerned about the culture being taken over just yet.

All I want for Christmas is a politically incorrect Santa. Image: Getty.

For what it’s worth, the survey also revealed other ways participants believed Santa could reinvent himself to carry a more relevant 21st century edge: skinny jeans, tattoos, a hoverboard, new hairstyle, maybe lose a few kg’s. Picture a total rebranding from the beloved rosy-cheeked jolly grandpa of Christmas to a new and improved hipster Santa sporting a clean beard, man-bun, tattooed sleeve, some piercings, and a vintage cardigan in place of his current dated red number. Kind of something that falls between every guy pulling drinks at a gin bar and Post Malone. I think it’d work.

But, while hipster Santa may draw an entirely new demographic at the local pageant -- which could be a positive turn for his ever-decreasing number of believers in this generation of totally woke kids -- the problem still lies with him being of the male gender, which we’re being told "one-third" of the population aren’t so down with anymore.

I wish someone asked me what I think of Christmas. Image: Getty.

But wait. Did anybody asked Santa if he’s cool with this gender-neutral thing? Or by making him non-binary are we taking away his right to choose? What if he likes being called Father Christmas, as opposed to X-Christmas. Perhaps he still wants to be the Mr to the Mrs Claus. Maybe he just prefers wearing pants.

The whole thing is stupid, right? About as stupid as jumping on a politically correct bandwagon that declares the opinion of 174 people a shift in culture we should all sit up and pay attention to.

But it seems Christmas isn’t new to a good PC lashing, with the last few years seeing a push to remove Christ from the Mas, in spite of Him being the whole reason for the season -- no doubt leaving Him a little jaded to say the least.

No more Merry Christmas greetings, only Happy Holidays now thank you kindly. We’ve lost Baby, It’s Cold Outside for fear it promotes rape culture. Our kids can no longer nag us from the moment December comes around to put up the bloody Christmas tree; now it’s all about the Holiday tree. And if you happen to be moonlighting as Santa Claus in Sydney you’d best not ho, ho, ho anyone, with one Santa recruitment agency claiming the festive tagline derogatory to women -- which could land you on all sorts of naughty lists.

Maybe we should all just take a breath and chill the turkey pluck out.

There is undoubtedly a shift in culture with more of the population identifying as transgender or non-binary. And we need to cultivate greater awareness, understanding and empathy for those finding their way in a society that still has a long way to go with acceptance.

But a gender-neutral Santa Claus is never going to be the way to make this happen. And personally, in such a fast-changing world where much is uncertain and unsure, I’m thankful to know Santa Claus will still be wearing pants for another year.