A Bloke Asked Me What I Wanted In The Bedroom. Here's What I Should Have Said
I was completely floored. Gobsmacked.
I had just been asked a huge question by a new guy in the bedroom and had no idea what to say. In the heat of the moment, he looked at me and said, “What do you like? What do you want from me?”
Here was a man asking me what he can do to be loving, caring and fun. Basically, he wanted to spice up my life. #Girlpower I was so shocked that I looked at him like he’d just said, “You have the head of a camel, but hey let’s still get it on”.
The most confronting thing was that I realised I had no idea what I wanted.
Gulp. Very, very awkward.
Do you know what you want from your man? Have you ever been asked? When I posed the question to my girlfriends I got lots of confused answers.
“Well, I have never been asked that, now that you mention it. It’s a bloody good question,” the first friend laughed nervously.
The next friend ran away from addressing it.
“Oh man. I still don’t know the answer to that! When a dude I slept with asked me that, I decided it was a bad idea to ever see him again. I was too embarrassed,” she said.
And a girlfriend of mine who has been settled in a relationship for six years said: “We have tricks that are a given and were found in our relationship at the start. I mean they work, and we are happy I guess, but if my man asked me that now, I would have no idea what to say. Yet funnily enough I yearn for something new -- I just don’t know what it is.”
It was unanimous. No one knew the answer.
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I did a bit of research and discovered that many sexologists suggested increased one-on-one time! Funnily enough though, it is very rare that anyone makes sex a special occasion. Usually, it's when nobody is looking and you have a couple of minutes spare.
Dr Nikki Goldstein said, “Not knowing what you’re interested in sexually often [stems] from a combination of not having explored enough with your own body and sexual pleasure, but also that many women don’t feel they can ask or take charge,” she said.
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“We are often taught that men are the deliverers of sexual pleasure even from a young age, with terminology like ‘giving your virginity’. What do we actually give away?
We need to own our sexual pleasure and part of that is being responsible for finding out what turns us on.”
But I was still left with the question -- how do we explore?
The key from some reading (and experimenting on my own) is keeping a curiosity in our pleasure. By taking some of the advice from Dr Goldstein I realised that it wasn’t just about self-pleasuring in the way you are familiar with but trialling things by yourself that shake things up. In turn, this gives you the confidence to shake it up with a partner.
Discuss your fantasies with a partner and make a date to mix things up. It does feel like work, but I am sorry, nothing unreal comes easily. I don’t make the rules.
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So here’s some homework for you peeps!
Once you get an idea of what your boundaries are and what turns you on, maybe you will be able to answer the big question in a sexy, clear and sensual way, instead of doing what I did and look like the shocked emoji girl with her hands up in the air.
Fellas, you have homework too. Ask the question I was asked! You will a) be a hero, and b) probably get intense pleasure from the experience yourself.
You are welcome.