If Your Kid's Role Models Are Pissed Up Footy Players You Need To Parent Better

The Cats do it soooooooo much better than the Dogs.

It's just another maaaaad Monday. Bet the Canterbury Bulldogs wish it was Sunday.

Ahhhh, it’s that time of the year again, when the best prime themselves for a tilt at premiership glory and the rest let down their hair, and all too often their pants, at end-of-season celebrations/commiserations, otherwise known as Mad Monday.

And I am mad.

No, I’m not here to tut-tut at the Bulldogs' antics yesterday, which included falling asleep on the street, vomiting in public and, the sin of all sins, getting nude and dancing to Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline. What a howler.

Yeah, it’s gross on most levels, but if you’re crying “What about the children?” then you’ve got to parent better if your offspring’s definition of morals is every act of someone who chases a pig skin around for a living.

The Dogs are guilty of being dumb.

By all means be gross and weird. (What is it about blokes nuding up with their team mates?) But do it in the privacy of, I don’t know….somewhere PRIVATE!

Parading too much of yourselves, and your bodily functions and fluids, around a pub in The Rocks is out of bounds. Go to someone’s house or a remote property and let off steam away from the public view, people going about their business on a Monday arvo, or maybe smartphones and the paps!

When it comes to Mad Monday I have to declare that Cats are superior to Dogs.

I speak, of course, of the Geelong Cats, the AFL variety, who have become as respected for their Mad Monday antics as their performances on the finals stage.

Over the past decade the Cats, whenever their season has come to a close, gather at a hotel in their provincial Victorian city and unleash the best parade of dress up costumes one will ever see.

It’s become a tradition.

There are too many lol-worthy outfits, perfectly thought out then executed, to mention. But here are a few memorable moments.

Cameron Ling embracing his orange roots and inner Ronald McDonald comes to mind, as does Paul Chapman working with what he had to channel Alex Perry. One year Corey Enright made time standstill as a street mime. There was a Royal Family ensemble.

And we can’t forget 2015’s heroes -- skipper Joel Selwood as Mick Fanning with Jimmy Bartel as the shark who landed on the wrong side of the surfing great, draped around his neck.

Media gather as the players arrive and get vision for news bulletins and photos are snapped and are always a hit in print and on social media. Players do a few interviews, some serious and some hard to take seriously depending on the get up. Then they head inside and do their thing.

The media coverage is organic but positive, the players have their fun behind closed doors and I’m sure over the years there’s been a messy tale or two but they’ve certainly never seen the light of the front page or led news bulletins.

It’s actually not that hard.

Like any end of year celebration or epic work drinks there’s always #awkward moments, someone makes a fool of themselves, someone vomits.

There’ll be more footy teams across codes participating in Silly Sunday, Mad Monday or Wacky Wednesday in the next few weeks. Let’s just hope they take a hot tip and keep their nude dancing behind closed blinds, vomit off the street and, for the love of God, fall asleep on the toilet and not the street.