The Response To My Theories About Dick Pics Was Very Fanny

“Imagine if we were to startle them going in fanny-first?"

Last week I wrote a piece about dick pics.

Having been in a relationship for over a decade, I’ve never dipped my toe into the world of online dating, but I hear from my friends that it’s a relative inundation of dick pics. They’ve even shown me the supporting evidence.

The piece related to the why. After all, it’s not like it’s a new phenomenon, people have been etching phalluses since the beginning of time. Yes, our caveperson ancestors didn’t think about drawing a lovely flower, or rainbow. No, they started with the basics. Dicks.

The interesting thing was, I received a flurry of DMs via Instagram and Twitter about the piece. No (and get your head out of the gutter), they weren’t dick pics, they were further question marks, thoughts and rationale as to why this phenomenon occurs. There was also a number of people concurring that this was a strange, disturbing and unsolicited part of online dating.

As the peacock shows its plumage to the peahen in a dynamic mating ritual that goes back centuries, some obnoxious men were doing something similar.

The animal kingdom's answer to the dick pic. Image; Getty.

Many of the comments I received were around the discrepancy between the desired behaviour as a result of the dick pic (who wouldn’t want this?), versus the actual response (alarmed, disconcerted, block).

Others provided rationale as to why this might be occurring. A man offered up this nugget of gold: “A phallic obsession … it’s like a needy thing which constantly requires praise.”


A woman wondered whether it was because men always had to get in first, just generally, with everything. “Imagine if we were to startle them going in fanny-first? How about if they received those photographs -- I bet they wouldn’t respond either.”

The fanny-first comment then seemed to take on a life of its own, as others corroborated that indeed this would not go well.

Again, interesting.

Lastly: “Men fear sexual rejection, so sending a pic means pre-approval.”

Huh? No comment there. I just can’t imagine.

Why is this going on?

Let's do that again, you had your eye closed. Image: Getty.

Awash in dick pic commentary, it made me think about the differences between (some) male(s) and female psyche -- a distinct drop off point, or black spot was apparent.

It also made me think of what is revealed about the anonymity of the online world.

Seth Stephens-Dawidowitz, an economist and former Google data scientist, shows that there is a huge database of secrets relating to what people are actually confessing to Dr Google in the format of searches.

His book, Everybody Lies – what the Internet can tell us about who we really are, examines how big data can divulge startling revelations relating to the human condition. The anonymity of the Internet provides us with a cerebroscope into what people are thinking. If you haven’t heard of a cerebroscope it’s a mythical device that philosophers have often speculated about which displays (or exposes) a person’s real thoughts. Stephens-Dawidowitz examines our collective data trails and what they can actually tell us about who we really are. The book is cleverly titled, because IRT scenarios we often lie.

It got me wondering if dating apps actually provided some sort of unique perspective into human interactions, particularly within the dating space. Are dating apps a place where a unique language has developed, equipped with its own distinct rules and paradigms? Will dating apps serve as some repository for the future, a snap-shot of more authentic relationship behaviours, previously cloaked in reality?

Or just an epic library of, well, dicks...