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Locking It Down Before Lockdown

Singles around the country are hooking up for the longest first date of their lives.

From Monday, Queenslanders will be restricted to having no more than two people in one house (other than housemates) due to tougher social distancing rules. This mean visiting partners will become a big no no! Individuals could face up to $1300 fines for breaching this rule, and let’s be real here, is your boyfriend really worth that much?

Instead of putting a price on partners, many couples have decided to move in with each other before a potential lockdown takes place, as the thought of being along during this time is nearly as much of a downer as the ‘rona itself.

But what about us singletons? Are we not deserving of love during these difficult times? Yes of course we are!

So now is the time to lock it down before lock down!

Of course moving into someone’s home whom you’ve only know for a few months or weeks could be a very bad, extremely unpleasant and horrifically dumb idea although it could be less painful than being alone. So for the sake of finding love in a hopeless place I’ve got some tips for you to surviving love in a lockdown and picking the right candidate to buddy up with.

  1. Don’t date anyone named Tim! This is a personal, I’ve never had any luck with Tims. I find them to be pompous and messy so just try to avoid them at all costs.
  2. Don’t move in with anyone who lives far away from a bottle shop. At this difficult time one of the few commodities that have given me strength is white wine, tequila, sour beer, salt and vinegar chips and of course red wine. All of these can be purchased from your closest bottle shop and aren’t considered panic buys (yet).
  3. If they have small feet you are in for a winner! In my years of dating I have found small feet to be an indicator of how loud they are around a home. Small feet suggest a light step, and less household noise in general. Meaning you'll have less distractions when it comes to the hours of sleep you will be wanting during the months of lockdown.
  4. Find someone with alternating streaming service accounts. Six months is a long time and if you’ve both only got access to Netflix or Stan but not Hulu and Amazon Prime then you could run out of things to watch. In effect you may actually have to talk to each other which sound absolutely horrible to me.
  5. And lastly find someone who won’t try to murder you. This one sounds hard but trust me, I move in with random people all the time and almost all them have never tried to murder me.

If you follow these steps, moving in with a stranger during a potential lockdown could be the best thing you ever did! Good luck everybody!