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When It Comes To Christmas Presents Our Grandparents Are Getting Less Than Our Pets

Does Fido really deserve more than Nanna this Christmas?

Are you buying your cat a present this year? What about your Granddad? If the answer is yes to the former and no to the latter, perhaps it’s time to think about why you’re a modern-day Scrooge.

A recent survey in Britain found that people on average spend a lot more on their pets than they do their grandparents. The average shopper forks over around $53AUD on their furball, compared to only around $38AUD on the people that indirectly gave them life. And that’s just wrong. Your grandparents babysat you, they gave you sweets, and they gave you as much apricot chicken as you could eat. But what have your pets ever done for you? They spewed up in your bed, gave you fleas, and bit that neighbor kid so you had to dye their fur and drive them up to Queensland and pretend he had run away that one time. Wait, no forget that last one.

As an obsessive dog owner, I can certainly relate to wanting to spoil your animal. Mine gets up on the good couch all too often and basically has the run of the place. But I also know that my pup loves a brand new $50 chew toy just as much as a rotten fish head he found in the drain. He’s pretty easy to please. If on Christmas Day all he got was a single dropped prawn, he would say he had the best day in the history of the universe.

AW YISS A PRAWN HEAD!

Plus my dog isn’t giving me a gift in return. Grandparents and other family members might. If I want a new PS4 game or a top shelf bottle of whiskey, I’m not going to get it if people know I’m giving them a card with a scratchie inside. Give more to the people who have cash to burn. That’s the true spirit of Christmas: giving people expensive enough gifts that they feel begrudgingly obligated to do the same for you.

So leave your pets off the Christmas list this year. They don’t even know what Christmas is. They’re fine. Instead dish out some love (READ: cash money) to your family and you’ll reap the rewards, both in a metaphorical karmic sense, and in the sense of getting actual better presents instead of an extension cord and another crappy beach towel with the words “surf attitude” on it.