World's Largest (And Only) Gathering Of Nigels Takes Place, And It's Weird
No Nigel-no-friends here. The Night of the Nigels sees Nigels from around the world come together. Nigel.
NIGELS NIGELS NIGELS!!
You want Nigels? WE GOT EM. Here at Nigel Night: the world's largest, and only, gathering of the Nigels, we have over 400 hundred Nigels in one place! We've got Nigels from England, Nigels from America, we got Aussie Nigels and Kiwi Nigels! We have got Nigels for days so come on down and get a Nigel!!
Ok we have officially said the word Nigel too many times. But this is serious news. The name Nigel is dying out, and the Nigels have decided to do something about it. Over the weekend, a pub in the UK hosted Nigel Night: a gathering of Nigels that was over 400-strong. These Nigels came from across the globe. Some were young, some were old, but they were all Nigels. Brave Nigels fighting back against a world that has forgotten them.
The BBC reported that in 2016 "fewer than three Nigels were born" which despite being dire news for Nigels, also raises questions about Nigel-related statistics. If fewer than three Nigels were born, then surely it must be either one or two? You can't have half a Nigel. You can't have 1.829 Nigels. But maybe the very nature of Nigels' existence is not fully clear. Are Nigels in flux? Is there a "Schrodinger's Nigel": a Nigel that both exists and does not exist until observed? There are some mysteries that scientists still cannot hope to understand.
But what we can understand is that there were a lot of Nigels at this pub. No doubt there were quite a few laughs to be had by people calling out "Oi Nigel!" and 432 Nigels would turn their head. Funny stuff.
What would it have been like to be there? To be in the thick of it, surrounded by these Nigels? The dulcet tones of the Nigels as they chatted and laughed, the thick, heady scent of the Nigels as they jostled and danced, and the colourful tapestry of their smiling Nigel faces as they reminisced on Nigels past. Certainly it would have been a Nigel Night to remember.
So if you have a baby on the way, consider naming it Nigel, and perhaps one day, you will get to travel the world and find yourself in a pub with 400 sweaty Nigels, dancing the night away. Godspeed Nigels, you truly are angels on earth.
To close off this story, here's a list of some famous Nigels that we all know and love:
End of list.