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Guac Shock! Mockamole Takes Over As Mexico Smashed By Avo Prices

Holy Guacamole! Could your authentic Mexican taco really be avocado-free?

It’s the dip that virtually no Mexican dish is complete without, but taco chefs in Mexico are being forced to replace the avocado in their guacamole with  zucchini-style squashes known as calabacitas.

Last year’s poor avocado harvest, combined with increasing demand from the US, has sent Mexico’s price for the fruit soaring to record prices.

And that’s not including the impact of the heightened state of avo-politics. Border trade tensions are forcing up prices. The huge heatwave in California meant a low yield there as well.

And much of the Michoacán avocado market is reportedly tied up with drug cartels, who are running extortion rackets on producers of the fruit. This is what they do, get us hooked on them and then jack up the price.

Government data reported by Bloomberg last week revealed the wholesale price for Hass avocados from Mexican avocado heartland Michoacán soaring to 650 pesos (AU$49) for 10 kilos. Retail prices have tripled.

It can’t be long before Aussie Millennials will be flooding into the housing market as they give up hope of ever owning their own smashed avo.

The avo-scandal broke on social media earlier this month, before being reported in Mexico City magazine Chilango.

GuacaNOWAY!
GuacaNOWAY!

Surely no-one could be fooled by that runny, soupy dip? Well apparently, people all over Mexico, and the US, have been.

The L.A. Taco website, who you would think would know their guac from their crock, even did a side-by-side test, and reported that once it’s blended with coriander, garlic, jalapeño chilli and tomatillos, and add the oil used to sautee the chillis, it’s hard to tell the difference.

“When blended with the rest of the traditional taqueria guacamole ingredients, the slightly boiled Mexican squash emulsifies into a stunningly bright green guacamole-like salsa,” Javier Cabral wrote.

“However, the scariest part is that it tastes almost exactly like your standard taqueria guacamole: bright, spicy, rich, and very satisfying. For someone who has eaten over a thousand tacos this last year alone with all kinds of taqueria guacamoles for Las Crónicas research, it almost fooled me.”

As well as their relative cheapness, squashes also have the advantage of not going off if you turn your back on them.

So if this mockamole isn’t such a travesty, what other alternatives might we find hitting tacos soon? Here are my suggestions.

Chocamole: OK, replacing avocado with chocolate sounds disgusting. At first. But chocolate, chilli, served with lime… on second thoughts, it could be the greatest food of all time!

Crocamole: One thing central America doesn’t seem to be short of is crocodiles. Or alligators, which are the Mexican squash of the crocamole world.

Wokamole: Guacamole, but stir-fried! It’s the ultimate Mexi-Chinese fusion experience! Hey, don’t knock it til you’ve tried it. Which I haven’t.

GuacaKholi: Another fusion taste, with jalapeños replaced by Kashmiri chillis, this one should appeal to the nineteen gazillion fans of the Indian cricket captain.

Mr Guzman and/or Gomez, I’m waiting for your call.