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NZ Girl Requests Immediate Research Into Dragons

Unfortunately, $5 is not enough to get it off the ground

What you need to know
  • A NZ girl wanted to establish a dragon research and telekinesis program for $5
  • Jacinda Ardern responds via letter, proving the need for at least the telekinesis program

New Zealand truly is a country full of magical creatures, like hobbits and sheep. But, one girl named Victoria across the Tasman reckons it could be home to dragons as well, and she wants the government to start looking into it.

So, what do you do when you want political change? You go straight to the top, which is exactly what the 11-year-old did, penning a letter to Jacinda Ardern requesting that the PM launch telekinesis and dragon research programs.

Of course, setting up a program like that would need a lot of funding: there would be researchers to pay and nerds to consult. But, Victoria was well aware of this, enclosing a $5 note (which converts to approximately $10 million AUD) as seed money and/or bribe money to convince the Prime Minister to establish the program.

Unfortunately, Ardern was unable to accept the money in good conscience. Writing back to Victoria, the PM stated: “We were very interested to hear your suggestions about psychics and dragons, but unfortunately we are not currently doing any work in either of these areas!”

She added: “I am therefore returning your bribe money, and I wish you all the very best in your quest for telekinesis, telepathy and dragons.”

Of course, if Ardern had accepted the money, she could have communicated her response via telekinesis. She also ended the message with a handwritten postscript: “P.S. I’ll still keep an eye out for those dragons. Do they wear suits?” And of course, it is these types of questions that reveal just how little we know about dragons, revealing just how much we need the dragon research and telekinesis program.

As of this stage, it is unclear as to whether any of the major parties in Australia have dragon policies in place for the upcoming election. The closest thing the country has had to such a policy was Clive Palmer’s dinosaur park, which is sadly now defunct.

Bill Shorten will be joining the panel live in the studio tonight, and presumably this will be the first question put to him.