Dogs Are Better To Sleep With Than Men

No more explanation required. Oh you have questions? Sure, read on.

What you need to know
  • Dog > Man
  • Dog + Woman = :-)
  • QED: :-) - Woman > Man

New research has revealed that women are better off sleeping with dogs than men. That’s right, scientists say that if you’re a woman, you should sleep with a dog because you will enjoy that more than sleeping with a man. And, no, that sentence does not require any further context. End of article.

What’s that? Ohhhhhh, right. Ok, sure, I see now how some context might be helpful. Particularly because I think Cory Bernardi's head just exploded.

So, basically, according to a new study, women sleep better if they have a dog in the bed rather than a man. In other words, dogs might be man’s best friend, but they are a woman’s best sleeping companion.

The results really seem to fit the times. For a while now, women have been rising up against the patriarchy, and now men might find themselves banished from their own beds.

According to the authors of the research: “Compared with human bed partners, dogs who slept in the owner’s bed were perceived to disturb sleep less." Well, not all dogs:

The study also concluded that dogs "were associated with stronger feelings of comfort and security.” Which should come as no surprise to anyone.

The authors added that this improved sleep could be due to dogs’ abilities “to warn their owners of potential threats.” That’s right, dogs are more protective than men. So, if you hear a mysterious sound in the middle of the night and you’re worried it might be a robber, your dog will bravely confront the intruder while your male companion cowers under the doona.

The study also stated that: “Dog ownership and its associated responsibilities may cause individuals to adhere to a stricter routine. Keeping to a consistent sleep schedule may be beneficial to dog owners.” So, if you’re a woman and you don’t have a dog, but still want the associated sleep benefits, start organising your boyfriend’s meals and walks. Also, don’t forget to teach him not to pee on the carpet.