Our Prime Minister Eats A Meat Pie With Cutlery And Australia Is Forever Changed
Remember the old riddle, Malcolm: What's the best thing to put into a pie? Your teeth.
Malcolm Turnbull has a lot on his mind right now.
We're just a day out from Super Saturday, with a couple of crucial by-elections that could tighten or loosen his grip on the Prime Ministership.
Of course, for many other Aussies, Super Saturday means something very different. Perhaps a day at the footy, seeing the Tigers take on the Magpies in the match of the season, with a fist wrapped around a meat pie!
What could be more Aussie than that?
Well, if you approached the Prime Minister of the country for his opinion, he might suggest politely getting out a knife and fork and gently lifting the lid off, to eat it like a man of manners and decorum.
In other words, like an unAustralian.
Sure, we've probably all had a moment at grandma's where we decided to err on the side of cutlery to avoid making a mess on the doily, but this was in a good old country bakery in Ulverstone. It was a classic hand-sized pie. And, to add insult to injury, he went in under the lid.
And then he posted it on Instagram. Do you think this makes you relatable, Malcolm? Do you think it won you a single vote?
Not since Tony Abbott bit through the skin of a raw onion like a drunk goat has our Prime Minister's culinary predilections come under such scathing fire.
Is this our nation's official pie-eating stance now? Should we have a postal survey to decide?
2GB provocateur Ben Fordham went in to bat for the PM on Twitter, opening up a national conversation about the etiquette of knife and forking our national dish.
Suffice to say, the Internet did not take kindly to the suggestion.
Others said it was a fine line between our PM and Elaine's boss Mr Pitt in Seinfeld.
And evidence was produced to show that this is not the only way to eat a pie Prime Ministerially.
Sure, it's a trivial thing to pick on the leader of the country for. There are so many more substantial issues to talk about in this period of political uncertainty.
But also: no sauce.
What a monster.