Shopping Trolley Theory Determines If You’re A Good Person

The choice you make to return your trolley or not may determine whether you’re a good person or a total oxygen thief.

An anonymous user has posted their “shopping cart theory” online.

This theory differs from the original moral and ethically testing trolley problem – deciding the deaths of one vs. many. Instead it simply asks whether you return your trolley or not and what that says about you.

The poster states that this simple or for some, not so simple choice is “the ultimate litmus test for whether a person is capable of self-governing.”

Have you ever decided not to return a trolley, maybe instead, pushing it up into garden bed? Well, sorry to say but you may be an A-Hole.

If you didn’t even bother to move it into the garden out of the way, you’re more likely the devil.

Me proving I'm good

The post goes on to say, “to return the shopping cart is an easy, convenient task and one which we all recognize as the correct, appropriate thing to do. To return the shopping cart is objectively right. “

As someone who always returns the trolley, I feel a warm glow of virtue flowing through my superior being. Why do I do it? Because it’s fun to ride the trolley to the bay, that’s why!

Quote of the Day | Dead Homer Society

But also because it makes everyone’s lives a little bit easier and it only takes a moment.

Anonymous goes on to say, “… it is not illegal to abandon your shopping cart. Therefore the shopping cart presents itself as the apex example of whether a person will do what is right without being forced to do it. No one will punish you for not returning the shopping cart, no one will fine you or kill you for not returning the shopping cart, you gain nothing by returning the shopping cart. “

I actually have been known to punish people with a glare when they push their used trolley into the empty car space next to them.

You must return the shopping cart out of the goodness of your own heart. You must return the shopping cart because it is the right thing to do. Because it is correct

The masked user gets a little wild in the next part stating, “A person who is unable to do this is no better than an animal, an absolute savage who can only be made to do what is right by threatening them with a law and the force that stands behind it.”

I’m not surprised they wanted to stay unknown. I wonder how they would describe the person who takes their trolley all the way home.

I would like to take a moment to share what I believe is an exception to the rule.

If, and only if, you look around and you cannot see a bay within eye distance, yet you do see a makeshift bay, a group of 4 or more amassed out of the way, I believe this is when it is OK to add yours to the customer started trolley pile.

Yes, you should walk around for 5 minutes and find a bay but also maybe there should be a bay in this portion of the car park, and starting your own little bay may just communicate this need to the shopping centre.

leslie nielsen shopping GIF
We'll discuss bay problems another time

Of course, a letter asking for a new bay is far less passive-aggressive and more effective but who’s THAT good of a person?

Next time you’re umming and ahhing over whether to return your trolley to the bay just ask yourself “am I a dog or am I good human person?” and ride that metal baby into heaven.