You Doing Your Exams? Here’s 5 Tips to Help You Survive!
I’m the guy to talk to, I finished all of my exams - I even passed one of them
It’s that time of year again, that time of the year when on your lunch break and you notice school kids are in the city and it’s like midday and you think to yourself ‘Are they wagging? Are these kids waggers? I need to find the nearest police officer and dob on these big waggers – oh wait it’s exam time, they just finished one of their exams, that’s why they’re in the city – it’s ok officer, they’re not waggers, they’re actually the opposite of that.’
Stand down officer – also is that bat regulation?
These poor school kids deserve an afternoon window shopping in the city, exams are stressful; it’s heaps of pressure. As we all know the results of these exams determine what the rest of your life will be and there is nothing you can do to change that (I’m joking: it totally doesn’t matter, most billionaires dropped out of school and robots will take all the jobs in the future anyway – so just relax)
MOVE IT RED! I HAVE YOUR JOB NOW!
If you are one of these stressed students, don’t worry: I have five tips that will make sure your exam time is as relaxed as a big hairy cow in a field.
Yep… as relaxed as this.
TIP 1: Don’t talk to anyone after the exams
Seriously don’t. They will get in your head and make you doubt everything you did. You’ll be wandering around in a daze after unloading recently stored facts about Post-Impressionist art when someone will come up and say ‘Hey remember Question 367? You didn’t put Cezanne, did you? Because the answer was actually Gauguin, not Cezanne.’ You’ll think you’ve stuffed up the whole test, start freaking out and have a panic attack.
As soon as you finish, just leave and don’t talk to anyone. Go wander through the forest and clear your head or go prepare for your next exam.
TIP 2: Don’t talk to anyone before your exam
You’ll have some friend who thinks they have insider info on what the test will be about and will try to give you the scoop with weird info like ‘It’s not actually about geometry… it’s about the history of geometry,’. You’ll start studying the history of geometry, then the test day comes and you see the test is just about regular old geometry. Then you look across the classroom to realize your friend doesn’t even take geometry.
People will say weird things during exam time because they are just as nervous as you are, so take everything they say with a grain of salt. There is only one person you need to talk to…
TIP 3: Get all the info out of your teachers you can
They have the answers, they’ve been trying to tell you the answers all year. Talk to them. Find out what area you should study? What chapters to read? What are the actual answers? They will appreciate your enthusiasm and be happy to help - especially after staring at the classroom after classroom of apathetic faces for the whole year.
TIP 4: Drink heaps of tea – it makes your brain work better
This one is a bit of a curve-ball, but it’s true. A recent study published in the June Journal of Aging has found that ‘habitual tea drinking modulates brain efficiency’ (You thought this article was just a load of nonsense, didn’t you? But look it has actual scientific sources in it).
Also, tea helps keep you stay awake for long hours of study, or if you feel stressed have some chamomile to help calm yourself down. Some people swear by coffee, but drink too much and it will feel like your heart is trying to strangle your brain – just stick to tea.
TIP 5: Don’t waste your time reading articles, just study for your exams
What are you doing? Stop this, go study!