Advertisement

Church Of England Now Has Prayers For Computer Problems

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I didn’t shut down my computer properly.

Who needs anti-virus software when you can just pray the computer viruses away? That’s right, the Church of England now has a prayer book with specific blessings for technology, such as computers.

It does make sense that the church gets on board with technology. After all, one of the levels of Dante’s Inferno is definitely Error 404.

However, in case you were wondering, there’s no prayer for finding a good price on the new tablet. The only tablet reference you’ll find in the bible is the one relating to the Ten Commandments.

READ MORE: Pope Francis Replaces Pivotal Line In 'The Lord's Prayer'

In simple terms, the prayer book will be more focused on your behaviour while online. Which is odd, because you’d think the church’s priority right now would be focusing on their behaviour while at church.

In the book, one of the prayers is: “Through our journeys through the internet we will direct our hands and eyes only to that which is pleasing to God.”

The church might soon find themselves out of business though. Because who needs God to forgive them for their sins when they can just clear their browser history.

In an effort to help them out, here are some other ways the church can get on board with modern technology, such as rewriting the bible so all references are relevant to 2019. For example, they can rename the Burning Bush, the Fire Fox. Or they can even redesign all Church stained glass windows to look like the logo from Windows.

You can now buy the prayer book online, which is odd, because it means you won’t know the prayer to protect you while buying the book online.