A Tribute To Tim Cahill From The Tormented Corner Flags Of The World

We would like to flag an important issue.

Dear Tim Cahill,

To be honest, at first we enjoyed the attention. Nobody thinks twice about us corner flags. We're just colourful pieces of cloth whose chief purpose in life is line demarcation.

It's not a glamorous calling.

Nobody notices a corner flag. Our job is to be as invisible and unimportant as a contestant from an old reality TV series.

You changed all that, Tim Cahill.

You brought us into the spotlight by rushing towards us after you scored and boxing the living crap out of us as part of your signature celebration. And like we say, it was flattering at first.

"Reddie" awaits his impending pounding with a feeling of great existential dread.

But we soon learned to fear you.

As you boxed us and slapped us and treated us as your personal punching ball, we came to dread your mere presence on the field.

Because the thing about you, Tim Cahill, is that you always seemed to score. How? We will never know. But you could seemingly conjure goals at will, right when your team most needed them.

And then it would be flag-punishing time.

No flag anywhere was ever safe. Whether you played for the New York Red Bulls or the Socceroos or Everton FC or anyone, one of us poor innocent flags would cop it.

"Pinkie" here was having a lovely quiet afternoon before Tim Cahill obliterated it with his brutal fists.

And everyone would think it a big joke.

"Box the corner flags," they'd say.

"Flog us, that'll be good for a laugh!"


Did anyone ever think about it from our perspective?

Did anyone ever stop to consider how our sides ached, our cheeks smarted, when Australian football's finest unleashed his fists of fury? It was as painful as it was humiliating, it really was.

But do you know what?

"Bluey" here needed a flagon of wine to help calm down after this fearsome thrashing.

We hate to admit it, but we have a grudging respect for you, Tim Cahill. See, we corner flags are football fans too. We love seeing the beautiful game played fairly, skilfully and with the utmost passion.

You were never the tallest, fastest or strongest. But your instincts were impeccable, your timing perfect, your finishing always clinical.

You, Tim Cahill, have always been a pure footballer. And while we're glad that our pain will soon end, our spirits are flagging that the career of a true genius is almost over.

You're an unflappable character, Tim Cahill. Trust us, that's the biggest compliment a flag can ever give anyone.

You can all the action of the Socceroos and Lebanon Live and Free on 10 Boss. Tuesday night from 7:30pm.