Cancel Your Plans: The Answer To A Long-Lasting Relationship Is Being 'Boring' Together
Forget about going out for Valentine's Day and maybe don't worry about making that dinner reservation.
According to Mark Manson, the author of 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck', the answer to a lifelong relationship with your partner is one we can all get on board with.
You no longer need to worry about getting out of your pyjamas to go out for a romantic dinner or trying to woo each other with impressive gifts, the secret apparently, is to be 'boring' together.
Yep, that's it.
Speaking to Business Insider, Manson said: "I think, if you look at a relationship, I actually think it should be as boring as possible. And that sounds really weird to people but if you think about it, a really happy 80-year-old couple that's been together for 60 years, the reason that they've been together for 60 years, it isn't because they took all these private jets and they had these crazy vacations and 'Oh my God, look at their pictures'."
"It's because that they were able to be boring together. They are able to spend year after year, sitting around the house, talking about the same boring stuff, watching TV, watching movies, cooking dinner, and it went fine. There was nothing exciting, there's nothing blowing up, there's no huge drama, and dishes flying."
Manson noted the idea of being boring together is an important thing for us to understand, given in today's day and age, most of us don't want to be known as a 'boring person'. We really prefer to be known as the opposite.
"We really want to be interesting people and have interesting lives but the problem is that, that conflicts with what makes a relationship good in a lot of cases. A lot of cases, what makes you an interesting and complex person, makes you a really horrible person to be with romantically," he continued.
In a strange way, I feel like we need to cultivate more boredom in our lives, like boredom needs to be okay again. It needs to be seen as a good thing and I think it's definitely a good thing for relationships.
It's a sentiment that clinical counsellor and psychotherapist Julie Sweet agrees with, noting that the early stages of a relationship when each individual is usually trying to impress the other can look very different to what it's developed into years later.
"It is in the learning of these stages that can enable us to endure and sustain the ebb and flow of any relationship. Being boring together is another way of being accepted by another person," she told 10 daily.
"Acceptance is powerful and being truly accepted by our partner is nourishing. It can also be extremely freeing, as not feeling judged and instead being loved for our authentic selves can be anything but boring."
In terms of whether or not there is something wrong with being considered a 'boring' person or couple, Julie disagrees, adding that it is actually healthy to be boring.
"Knowing someone has your back, as corny as that sounds, provides stability and cultivates trust which is the underpinning of a strong foundation. That is, the day in, day out, micro behaviours done frequently and consistently. Stay close to that 'boring' stuff," she suggested.
There are, of course, other factors that contribute to the longevity of a relationship. Working on yourself, Sweet said, is one of the most important.
"Both individuals in an intimate relationship, working on themselves in order to have a secure functioning partnership is the key to a long lasting relationship," she said.
Other elements range from feeling safe and secure, engaging in clear and open communication, showing bravery by being vulnerable, knowing how to engage in healthy conflict and managing each other's expectations, Sweet said, to name a few.
So go ahead and throw on the Netflix and order some takeaway, your partner might thank you for it in 50 or so years.
Featured image: Getty