I Applied To Be That Billionaire's Girlfriend So He'd Take Me To The Moon
When I first heard Japanese billionaire Yusaku Maezawa was on the lookout for a female companion he can take to the moon -- it was love at first click.
The 44-year-old fashion magnate and art collector has put the call out for women from all across the globe to apply to be his "life partner" and, in turn, accompany him on his journey into space.
Mr Maezawa will be boarding his fellow billionaire and close buddy Elon Musk's starship, SpaceX. The journey to the moon will launch in 2023 and marks humankind's first lunar voyage since 1972.
The divorced philanthropist wants to be certain his second golden ticket goes to 'the one'. So he has done what any rational person would do -- commence production of an intensive match-making reality TV style documentary.
And I am eagerly throwing my space helmet in the ring.
I've long been a fan of Savage Garden, but never did I think that the lyrics: "I would fly you to the moon and back if you'll be my baby" would become my reality.
What Mr Maezawa is looking for in a potential suitor is weirdly achievable. The ad only asks for five key traits:
- Single women aged 20 or over
- Bright personality and always positive
- Interested in going into space and able to participate in the preparation for it
- Want to enjoy life to the fullest
- Be someone who wishes for world peace
Like 98 percent of women, I feel I'm a pretty good fit. I might be half his age, but I sure do love peace. So here goes nothing.
For a situation with pretty high stakes, the application process is surprisingly informal. All that stands between me and my interstellar new love is a lilac Google form.
All your basics are there: name, age, height, birthplace, job, etc. The most unnerving thing about this whole process is just how little documentation the team sorting through the applications have to go off before choosing the top 20 women lucky enough to meet the billionaire.
There are only small but all-important opportunities to squeeze in some gravity defying creative flair.
Special Skill: I put down "self defence". This is a lie, but it was Sandra Bullock's special skill in 'Miss Congeniality' and I remember the audience loved it. So I figured it was impressive. And there's a small part of me that's always wanted to fly kick an alien.
Selling Points: Mr Maezawa is very chummy with Elon Musk, whose musician girlfriend Grimes recently announced her pregnancy.
I figure Elon, Grimes, and their new quasi-alien baby will be joining us on the trip to space. So for a selling point I wrote: "Great with kids, especially grimey, musky babies with billion dollar inheritances." That should see my application rise to the top.
Please tell us your impression of Yusaku Maezawa: If I'm honest, I've never heard of this man before he kicked off his quest for intergalactic romance. But now I love him.
The more I read about him, the more impressive he became. He's a drummer in a hardcore punk band, a well-known philanthropist, the founder of of a Japanese fashion company, and has an estimated personal wealth of three billion -- most of which he spends on art.
This man is a certified stud. So I put in my best effort:
"Mr Maezawa's svelte frame and entrepreneurial spirit suggest an impressive gene pool. This, combined with own lack of food allergies, suggests that together we could birth a new and improved human race. We could rule the galaxy."
The Fine Print
The disclaimers at the bottom of the application are alarmingly extensive.
There's a lot in there on safety, injuries and potential damages. Which sounds super full on for a dating show, but the right amount of caution for someone competing to work among astronauts.
Mr Maezawa really really wants to steer clear of gangs. A clause reads:
[No] gangsters, gangster members, gangster associate members, gangster affiliated companies.
Fortunately this doesn't count me out of the race, but it does make me wonder what gangland crime has gone down in the past.
With my application submitted, now all I can do is sit back and wait. I started this application process for a laugh. But now I think I very well might be head over moon boots in love with this punk-loving, art-buying, single billionaire.
Mr Maezawa is looking for a love that is out of this world, so wish me luck.
Featured Image: Getty/Supplied