Beware -- These People Are Most Likely To Ghost You In A Relationship
We all have ghosting in us, some of us are just better at it than others.
Look, we've all been ghosted, it's just so now. You start a relationship, it all seems to be going well and then. Suddenly. They've vanished. They stop returning your texts, messages go unanswered, dates are no more...
And while it can be heartbreaking when you didn't see it coming and all, there are some signs the person you're into could be a prospective spook.
According to Kelsey M. Latimer, PhD, who spoke to Bustle about it, people who are more likely to ghost tend to have personality and behaviour traits that are avoidant, manipulative, and self-centred.
You're not wrong, Kelsey.
And there are many reasons for it, according to Lysn psychologist Duygu Arslan.
"While there is no set rule, it usually stems back to the person wanting to avoid their own emotional discomfort," she told 10 daily.
"Specific circumstances, timing and mindset also play a big role in how a relationship plays out, and previous relationships and experiences can also impact their intentions. Whether a person has just come out of an intense relationship, has strong destiny beliefs, or are just avoiding their own emotional discomfort, ghosting seems to be a coping mechanism for many wanting the relationship to end, regardless of how it might impact the other person."
However, it seems it's not always all their fault.
"A ghosting mentality is largely reinforced by our social media society that creates a sense of avoidance in direct communication," Latimer told Bustle. "If we don’t like something, we don't confront it. Instead, we can easily hide behind a screen with our comments or avoid direct and real person-to-person communication altogether."
To help you try and weed out the ghosters before they've had a chance to disappear on you, there are seven signs to look out for:
They're passive and avoid confrontation
You know the type -- they avoid having an argument or any confrontation at all, and when they want to escape they just ... well, they just disappear.
"Avoiding confrontation is one of the biggest reasons for ghosting. Many people want to avoid any emotional discomfort that comes from a break-up and they see ghosting as the perfect way to do that," said Arslan. "They want to avoid in-person confrontation and passive withdrawal from dating can seem like the easiest route out of a relationship."
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They lack awareness
"It's true that some people can lack awareness when it comes to the correct way to end things in a relationship," said Arslan. "They could also have seemingly nice intentions for ghosting someone. Perhaps they wanted to avoid inflicting pain on the other person, thinking that it would be kinder to not have to say anything hurtful, however being totally unaware that just disappearing could be perceived as more hurtful than anything else."
Said Arslan, "it is believed that those who display traits high in narcissism are more likely to ghost their partner as they can lack the empathy needed to be aware of someone else’s emotional pain."
Amen to that.
They believe in soul mates
A 2018 study published in the Journal of Personal Relationships found that people who have "destiny beliefs" were more like to ghost on their partner.
"Destiny beliefs refer to when someone has a fixed mindset about love and believes that it should either be perfect or if not, they should just forget about it," said Arslan. "They believe everyone has one soul mate they’re meant to be with and if they encounter any indication that their partner might not be ‘the one’, they decide that it’s better to end things. People with strong destiny beliefs don’t see a point in working on the relationship or even spending the time to communicate that it's over and thus just cut off all contact."
They hide behind texts and social media
"Technology can play a big role in ghosting," Arslan told 10 daily. "Especially since the introduction of social media and dating apps -- the whole dating landscape has changed. Once upon a time ghosting might have been more difficult, especially if you had similar social circles or friends in common, but nowadays, you can block someone on your online dating profile or social media account, certain that you may never come across them again. A person who might hide behind texts and social media is surely used to interacting in this way, a modern day form of dating, with new rules and new ways of getting dumped. If a person is prone to hiding behind their phone, it’s likely they wouldn’t see it a huge deal if they did the same when they ended the relationship."
They change their minds a lot
"Some people have a fear of committing. They are torn between committing to a relationship and leaving their comfort of being single and dating casually," said Arslan. And telling someone you're not interested takes effort, right? If you've changed your mind and you're no longer invested, ghosters are simply less likely to put in the effort to talk about it.
If you find that after a while getting to know someone you still don't know much about them -- in fact, they seem secretive about who they really are -- chances are they could vanish into thin air faster than you can say, "Come and meet my parents."
Now you know who to avoid, good luck out there. And remember this mantra:
"I ain't afraid of no ghost."