Olives Don't Belong On Pizza, They Belong In The Bin
I've always felt very alone in my anti-olive camp, but new data reveals that many Australians have sided with me.
I despise olives with every fibre of my being. The pesky little spheres of ick have followed me around for my entire life, leaving their yuck juice behind well after I've flicked them away.
If you're a fan of the balls of hell, you likely think that I'm mad -- that I'm petulantly fussy or someone with an unsophisticated palate.
But I have to insist that typically I'm a very adventurous eater, there's just something about olives that I so vehemently detest. And there's data to suggest I'm not alone in this.
In the lead up to Sunday's World Pizza Day, food delivery service Menulog have assessed the ordering habits of Australians, particularly in regards to our precious pizza.
The research has revealed that olives are the topping Australians are most likely to request to have removed from their pizza.
3.6 million pizzas were ordered through Menulog in 2019, so that's a fair whack of olives banished back to their jars.
Controversially, olives were removed from pizzas even more often than pineapple, which took out the second spot.
The pineapple on pizza debate has caused many a social media fight -- who knew this whole time the true opinion divider was the olive?
Onions also scraped into the top three most rejected toppings.
If you remain against me on this stance, even after I have presented you with rock-hard evidence, allow me the chance to bring you into my world.
To me, olives taste like what muscle rubs smells like. Pungent and overwhelming with a bit of sting to it. I don't know why exactly it is, but the sensory experience is exactly the same for me.
Popular culture is also fascinated by the contention surrounding the olive debate.
Sitcom 'How I Met Your Mother' even coined the term "olive theory" -- the romantic notion that in any perfect relationship, one enjoys olives and the other doesn't. Allowing a couple to live lovingly in food symbiosis.
While I do like the idea of gifting my beloved my discarded olives, it simply will not work. When you hate them as much as I, picking them off is not an option. The cheeky devils leave their flavour behind, nestling their juices into everything that surrounds them and spreading their evil.
To the anti-olive folk out there who have lived in embarrassed exclusion, it's time to speak out. We are the silent majority, we are in the right. And this World Pizza Day, I'll be leading the charge.
Featured Image: 'Home Alone'