An 'Australian Survivor' Investigation: What Happened To The Fish And Chips Reward?
One of the most satisfying parts of watching 'Survivor' is when a group of starved contestants is set loose on a mountain of fast food.
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Whether it's hamburgers, a good old fashioned BBQ or a make-your-own sundae buffet -- there's a certain vicarious thrill we all get watching the winning tribe gorging on their hard-earned treat after living on nothing but coconut rice.
So when Jonathan La Paglia asked Mokuta and Vakama if they wanted to know what they were playing for tonight, we screamed 'YES' along with the two tribes, as if we hadn't already had two dinners.
"The winning tribe will enjoy a delicious, salty fish and chips," said JLP and while John was definitely waiting for him to say 'Mexican parmigiana', everyone was pretty stoked with the idea of some hot chow.
But this is where things got a little ~fishy~ and we should have known that the only thing salty about this reward was JLP's LIES.
Normally JLP stands next to a box shrouded in fabric that he whisks away to reveal a tantalising glimpse of what the winning tribe will get to eat -- or what kind of luxury experience they'll be taking part in.
But instead of seeing a tall glass of beer next to some battered fish and chunky chips, the 'Australian Survivor' host was just standing next to some random shrubs.
After some impressive feats of strength -- particularly from Tarzan -- in a challenge that involved pushing a giant box (and your opponent) into the sea, it was Vakama who triumphed, and they were pretty happy about it.
JLP congratulated the yellow tribe and promised them that their fish and chips were waiting for them at camp.
Which is sort of like someone from IKEA telling you that your four-poster bed and built-in wardrobe are waiting for you in the carpark loading zone, because this is what Vakama was met with when they returned home:
As the camp walked up to the bag of potatoes and fishing gear, the word "bastard' was uttered by someone as Vakama realised it was going to be a DIY situation.
But with no mountain of food to be distracted by, the tribe hovered around the crates like a group of very awkward looking hyenas sniffing around for the inevitable idol clue that's usually hidden in a reward.
And sure enough, after seven or so people poked and prodded every part of the reward set-up, it was Mat Rogers who exclaimed, "oh, will you look at that, a secret compartment!" before reaching in and pulling out not just a clue but a whole idol, ready to go.
Vakama's majority alliance couldn't hide their displeasure -- particularly Flick whose face was as sour as the conical flask of vinegar she was holding.
"F***in' bullsh**," Locky whispered, hanging his head in shame, adding, "you've got to be sh**ing me," after the NRL legend's lucky find.
Mat high-fived his minority alliance of Jacqui, Tarzan and Moana and proudly put his idol around his neck, which was just incredibly awkward to watch -- though not nearly as bad as Sharn exposing hers to her whole tribe in Season 3.
After the majority of the tribe missed out on the idol right under their noses -- it seemed that no-one was in the mood to gut fish and peel potatoes so they just didn't have their reward?
All we saw was Brooke, Flick, Locky and Dave angrily marching through the sea with the fishing gear but then it seems they never got around to eating anything?
The angry fish hunt transitioned straight into a package about Moana's life and we were still HUNGRY.
We don't care that Mat got an idol, we don't care that everyone is furious and full of resentment we just want to see those crispy, juicy, fish and chips.
Like Sue's Big Move, we might be waiting a while.