'It Was A Mistake To Leave': Ciarran Still Devastated By Shock 'Bachelorette' Exit
It was the shock exit that saw both Ciarran and Angie in tears, but following a family tragedy, the 25-year-old felt like he had no choice but to leave the mansion.
Amid the battle between Carlin and Jamie, an early departure from Haydn and Timm's unfortunate antics mistaking a jacket-swap as a stripped rose, Ciarran was fighting his own battle.
Storming out of the cocktail party and changing out of his suit the fan-favourite shocked Angie by tearfully taking her aside to let her know that he had made the decision to leave the show after hearing the news that his grandmother had died.
Speaking to 10 daily over the phone Ciarran said he had found out about the death of his nan "four to five days before that cocktail party", and while he was devastated, he tried to push on in the competition.
"It was really hard for me to deal with it in that sort of environment where I can't just be with my family," he said.
"I was super close to my nan. Every weekend I saw her, she took me to church. The guy I am today I owe a lot to what my nan did for me."
Going into the cocktail party, Ciarran said he knew he had to speak to Angie about leaving the show -- but didn't realise there would be so much chaos going on around him.
"I didn't want to be in that environment anymore," he said. "It was difficult because everyone was backing Carlin as a frontrunner and I felt like I was in the lead. It was difficult to tell [Angie] that I didn't want to be there anymore, but obviously she said family always comes first.
"At the same time, you can see from watching it that it was really hard leaving Angie and definitely hard for myself to come to that decision. Looking back on it I do feel like I made a mistake. It's a bit gutting to be fair.
Admitting that his way of dealing with things is to shut down and shut people out, Ciarran said he saw no other option other than leaving the mansion.
"I'm one of those guys that, once I've made my mind up, I'll stick to a decision even though I might not think it's the right thing to do. Looking back on it I'm like f--king hell, you're an idiot."
That staunch commitment to decisions also meant that he never even considered trying to return to the show.
"I would have liked to have gone back but I had made my decision," he said, adding, "I would have been too embarrassed to walk back in like, 'It's me again!' she would have been like 'What the hell are you doing here?'"
He also told 10 daily that he hasn't been able to watch much of the show -- and had no plans to watch his final moments with Angie.
"I don't regret much in life, but I do regret leaving the mansion," he reiterated thinking about having to see it all play out on TV.
There were a few months between filming and 'The Bachelorette' premiere where Ciarran said he started to feel better about his decision, but once the show started up, it just brought a lot of old feelings to the surface.
"I feel like I should have gritted my teeth," he said, "only a few more weeks and I could have been the number one.
"Looking back, it was a mistake to leave."
Following his departure from the mansion, Ciarran said he's had no contact with Angie.
"I wanted to message her and say sorry for leaving, but I haven't. Even though I'd like to," he said, cheekily adding, "Hopefully she didn't pick anyone and I can slide into her DMs."