Everything You Missed From Angie's Debut As 'The Inappropriate Bachelorette'
Angie, oh Angie!
Our fifth 'Bachelorette' has already made the mantle her own with her trademark love of dogs, comfy trackies and tellin' it like it is shining through in the first episode of the season.
After admitting that she's never said 'I love you' to anyone Ange was presented with 20 hopeful bachelors, one of whom might be about to change all that. The boys came bearing gifts including a florist's haul of sunflowers, a tiny puppy, an apartment key (ew) and a sadly discarded meat pie.
Here's everything you need to know about 'The Bachelorette' premiere!
Angie Wants Her Man To Be Just Like A Dog
We've known Angie has had a soft spot for pups since her 'Gogglebox' days with Yvie Jones, and none of that has changed for her 'Bachelorette' stint.
"Aw, look at this, I need a bit of romance," she said as one of her dogs began snuggling up to her as she chatted with Yvie. "Hand-holding and licking".
Yvie explained that she was going to "get one that's really affectionate" and that at least Angie would be used to the "flatulence" entering the Bach mansion and wait, are we still talking about dogs or people?
Timm Is The Most Eloquent Bachelor
He was the first to walk the red carpet, impressing Ange with a bouquet of sunflowers but Timm isn't just a pretty face with a mane of golden hair -- he's the philosophical narrator we didn't know we needed this season.
Not only did he condemn Kayde's act of guitar sabotage by whispering, "the goose strikes again" and then Jess' horrific rose ceremony pause by advising him to "go back to the old people's home in Noosa", he came up with this beautiful tongue twister/sage bit of advice about gossiping for Jamie:
"What Susie says about Sally says more about Susie than it does about Sally," he said.
Carlin Nabs The 24 Hour Rose
Of course, he did.
Carlin had mesmerised Angie the minute he strolled down the red carpet in that ivory dinner jacket, with his chiselled jawbone and Ken doll smile. Even though Angie asked her brother Brad if Carlin might be a bit "straighty-180" for the fun-loving Bachelorette, she decided he was the one she wanted to spend an entire day with.
Angie Was Forced To Wear 735 Different Blazers (And One Fireman Jacket)
Is the way to Angie's heart through her love of men's blazers? The Bachelor boys sure seemed to think so because they piled their outerwear on her so fast she looked like she went through about a dozen different wardrobe changes.
Yes, she noted that she was "cold AF" but it also seemed like a convenient way for the boys to mark their territory (and their time with Angie) by using brightly coloured fabrics.
Oh Hi, Mark! Angie's Brother Brad Goes Undercover
At the beginning of the episode, we saw Angie's personal trainer/brother Brad teaching his sister a few boxing tricks before her entry to the 'Bachelorette' mansion. But as well as fine-tuning her left hooks, he also graciously agreed to go undercover with the Bachie boys to find out who they really were when Angie wasn't listening.
After gathering some juicy intel about Jess, 'Mark' revealed himself as Brad and, honestly, he should have stayed undercover for the entire season because Angie has her work cut out for her.
Jess Creeped Everyone Out With His House Key And Rose Ceremony Pause
Hooooo boy, where do we even begin with Jess? His entry set off thousands of tiny alarms and by the end of the episode, his royal cape was representing a giant red flag. Jess presented Angie with a giant key to the city of Noosa along with a smaller, much more worrying key: the one to his apartment.
"But you're gonna have to work for it," he said, and, does he even know how this show works?
Things deteriorated from there as he told a few of the boys he'd reject the 24-hour rose if Angie offered it to him, and then swore blind to her face that he said nothing of the sort.
To cap it off? He decided to leave an awkward 10-second pause after Angie kindly asked him, 'Will you accept this rose?' for reasons we're completely unsure of.