These Are Jonathan LaPaglia's Most Savage 'Survivor' Outros
While tribal council proceedings are often chaotic and unpredictable, Jonathan LaPaglia's wise, yet savage, parting words are one element you can rely on.
Right after he announces that "the tribe has spoken" and sends the eliminated contestant on their way, JLP takes a minute to share a few pearls of 'Survivor' wisdom with the remaining group.
Like a haiku or a sonnet, the poetry of JLP follows a specific format that contains a mixture of advice with a heavy dose of foreboding. He will always start his outro with the word "Well" and usually follow it up with "tonight it became clear".
Things are always very clear to him!
The second line will usually be a question, a call to action or a coded phrase aimed at someone who's playing the game too hard, or not paying attention at all.
JLP is essentially the omniscient narrator of this Greek tragedy of a reality TV show so his outro is a way of summing up what we all learned and casting a thick air of uncertainty (and sometimes, comedy) around the island.
"Well, in this game, the fire of chaos burns bright. You get too close and you could be set alight. "
When Shaun was voted out and became the first member of the Jury, JLP gave us this absolute banger of wisdom that we'd really like to bust out in everyday situations. Try whispering "the fire of chaos burns bright" to your co-worker while you're microwaving your lunch, we dare you!
"Well, Steven, just when you thought all was lost, you’ve skated through again. Keep this up, you might get a reputation."
It was the first tribal council outro that scored a few cackles of laughter with JLP cheekily making a Bradbury joke that he'd clearly been waiting for the right moment to deliver. Comedy and tragedy rolled into one.
"Well, this tribe says it doesn’t need a leader. But perhaps there is one, whether you know it or not."
When the Champions refused to admit their vote was being orchestrated by any one person, JLP kindly reminded everyone that there is always someone pulling the strings.
Simon's Actual Elimination
"Well, with eight of the hardest days left in this game and everybody playing to win, it’s time to take a leaf out of Simon’s book and dig deep."
Remember when Simon dug all those holes and compromised the structural integrity of the Soli Bula shelter because he was desperately seeking a hidden immunity idol? Yep, so did JLP.
"Well, it’s very simple. In this game, if you’re not controlling the vote, you’re being controlled by the vote."
While this sentiment might as well be the unofficial tagline for 'Survivor' the landing of this JLP nugget was just perfect because Janine was the only one who laughed out loud. Because she was controlling the vote!
"Well, the lesson we learned tonight is that if you wait too long for the perfect wave, you run the risk of being wiped out. "
Even though this was Matt's elimination, this was definitely just a line thrown out to give big-wave surfer Ross a little giggle because, surfing humour.
Shaun Is Poached By The Champions
"Well, if you didn’t come prepared for twists like this, maybe your horse has already bolted."
When the Champions attended the Contenders' tribal and then poached Shaun (aka the Horse), JLP had the perfect phrase lined up.
Simon Is Sent To Exile Beach, Janine And Pia Blindsided
"Well, tonight’s lesson is clear: be very careful when you make a deal in a game where deals are made to be broken."
An exquisite message to deal-maker extraordinaire Janine after her seemingly iron-clad alliance with Abbey fell apart. This isn't the boardroom, this is 'Australian Survivor' where your negotiations can't be protected by any kind of legal documents.
Now, grab your torches and head back to camp!