'Five Bedrooms' Episode 8 Recap: Where We Were Always Meant To Be
I'm not ready to say goodbye.
For the last eight weeks, I've been squatting in the 'Five Bedrooms' house. Not literally, more in the sense that when the show wasn't on I was thinking about it, every now and then I'd find myself wishing Heather would call me a dipshit to my face just so I could feel... anything.
And yet, here we are, the final episode of season one. I'm getting evicted, and I suppose I'm not the only one.
For the last time (this season), let's take a look at how our housemates fared this week in a tenant report, from worst to best.
Lachlan - Minus Infinity
Throughout this season, my only complaint with 'Five Bedrooms' would have to be that Hugh Sheridan did such a masterful job of inhabiting Lachlan that it truly put our ongoing one-sided relationship through some rough patches. I almost didn't watch every single Instagram story, that's how serious we're talking.
For some terrible reason, Lachlan -- the worst guy ever -- is also the most fertile. Fecund, some might say under their breath. Yep, after last week's realisation that Ainsley might be up the duff, Lachlan also found out his ex-wife -- or current wife?? -- is also expecting.
All we need now is for a third woman to enter the scene (preferably Cher) to announce she is also expecting Lachlan's offspring and we've got a 'Witches of Eastwick' remake in the works.
Ainsley - 5
For her continued poor choices for getting entangled with Lachlan -- the worst guy ever -- Ains suffered greatly.
But here's the thing: we also have to regrettably thank Lachlan for ultimately bringing the gang together. Without Ainsley's (terrible) feelings for Lachie, she would never have thought that investing in the house was a good idea.
Still, it's been a tough slog for Ains this season. From rebounding to Ben and the fallout of that affecting her relationship with Heather, to rebounding from her rebound back to Lachlan... things were not good.
But there's also something really quite lovely about Ainsley -- the hopeless, hapless romantic -- realising at the end of it all, she doesn't need a man. She's got it all on her own, and now she's got her chosen family.
Harry - 4
What. A. Wild. Ride.
Harry's journey has been increasingly heartbreaking this season. From attempting to live his life as an out gay man away from his mum, to finally working up the courage to come out to her -- only to have all of that shatter after she suffered a major stroke.
But wait, there's more. Having the brief flame with Hot Policeman Neighbour Pete flicker out after it became obvious he wasn't going to come out, only to be accidentally outed by Ben, only to move BACK in with his mum, only to try and work things out with Pete to find out he had moved on with an albeit very handsome man? (Deep exhale.)
Still, Harry was always loyal. To his mum, to Pete, to Pete's huge arms and, of course, to Liz. And the slight silver lining among all of this is that it felt as if Harry's mum was edging ever so close to accepting him as a gay man -- in her own, very Manju way.
Ben - 3
After pushing the gang to the conclusion that selling was the only option, Ben attempted to make amends with the housemates after accidentally launching a few grenades into the house (not in the literal sense, of course).
Trying to patch things up between Ainsley and Heather, trying to convince Heather to stick around and make out a bit more, even trying to smooth things over after accidentally outing Harry.
The only thing that was an issue this week was Ben using the term "guncle", aka gay uncle, to describe Harry. It's not offensive or anything, it's honestly just one of the worst portmanteaus in existence.
Heather - 2
By now it's obvious that Heather is basically the kind of person everyone should aspire to be when they grow up. No f**ks to give, razor-sharp wit and the most diehard friend you could ask for.
She and Ben also appeared to... uh... make up, if you know what I mean (I mean sex!!!!) which has been the most unexpected, but rewarding TV relationships to watch evolve in a long time.
Allowing her housemates to slowly get to know her vulnerabilities -- so slowly it could almost be described as glacial -- it was an absolute joy to see the complexities and consequences of Heather's decisions.
Also, just wanted an excuse to look at this photo again:
Liz - 1
And throughout it all, who could have expected that the glue that would try and hold them all together... would be Liz.
From the lowest of the lows -- trying to hide her divorce, trying to hide her bankruptcy, always trying to save face -- Liz finally realised the best thing she could be was honest with her new fam.
It's interesting that Liz was basically offered everything she was after all along, a fancy place all to herself and a high-paying gig, and acknowledged it was meaningless without actual connections.
She's also the only person who makes getting drunk in a stranger's backyard look classy.
Me - 0
What do I do now?
Here's hoping for a second season because at this stage we have a lot of questions. Like who actually bought the house? What's going to happen to Manju if Harry stays in the house? Do you think Policeman Pete would date me despite being a character on TV? And where will the gang live now their place has been sold?
Catch up on every episode of 'Five Bedrooms' on 10 Play now.
Featured image: Network 10.