'Five Bedrooms' Episode 7 Recap: The Sh*t Hit The Fan, And Everywhere Else
At this point, things in the house are getting very messy.
I mean that in the literal sense, of course. After a surprise bout of sudden and debilitating food poisoning struck our favourite housemates, there was barely a corner of the home that wasn't used as a makeshift toilet.
And speaking of makeshift toilets.
This week gave us a lot to think about, mainly how neither of the 'L's in paella are supposed to be pronounced, but we also started to see the foundations of the house crumble around our fab five.
Let's rank how everyone fared from worst to best.
Ainsley - 5
By now you've seen the episode (if not, what are you doing here?!) and you'll know that Ainsley not only lit some ceremonial candles and invited the devil back into the house (aka asked if Lachlan could move into Heather's room). This is a terrible idea considering Ains has also been MIA shacking up with ol' Lachie, having cute showers and taking adorable selfies or whatever nauseating things people in couples do.
On top of that, after absolutely ruining Heather's ensuite, she came to the terrifying realisation that she may be carrying Damien, The Omen, whatever you want to call it. Basically... Ains might be up the duff. No bueno. No bueno at all.
Ben - 4
Speaking of Ben, he probably should be at the bottom of this week's tenant report considering he... you know... poisoned everyone with a cursed paella.
He also tried to convince Mia that his housemates were just very tall teens, pretending like Harry knew anything about Taylor Swift -- which elicited this response:
It's tough being a parent (I heard a woman say in a Coles one time), and it's even tougher when you're really trying not to sh*t yourself in the living room. For Ben, all he wants is to be a good dad to Mia, and to appear like he has his sh*t together... and not splattered up the side of the zen garden.
While his efforts weren't exactly well-received by his ex-wife, he actually made some great strides with Mia. And then he decided to send the text telling his housemates he wants to pack it all in.
Heather - 3
Okayyy honestly I'm just deducting points from Heather this week because of her bunk idea to travel, find herself and all that crap everyone says. If I had a dollar for every time I thought I should go overseas and become a better version of myself... well, I'd probably have enough cash to fund the trip.
Heather's been struggling since her friendship with Ainsley began to dissolve after everyone found out about her and Ben's relationship. This week, Ben's daughter Mia stopped by and the housemates had to play nice... for as long as their stomachs could tolerate. It also gave Heather some time to coach Ben on his parenting, which was cute. Why am I still rooting for them as a couple? How did this happen!?
Harry - 2
It was always going to be interesting to see how Harry and his mum dealt with the aftermath of her massive stroke, and the also massive bombshell of Harry's sexuality being dropped on her during Heather's terrible party last week.
While it was pretty funny to see the range of responses (revisionist history coupled with arranged marriage -- what's not to love?) it's also pretty heartbreaking that, ultimately, things aren't looking great for Harry there.
On top of that, the doctor became the patient when Ben's cursed paella took hold of Harry as it did with everyone else in the house. And the good doctor had to sink to new lows -- by literally using the laundry sink (and every one of Liz's white garments).
Still, bonus points awarded for bringing everyone their very own DIY poop collection kit. Like a fun at-home project!
Liz - 1
Things haven't been great for Liz since... well... since episode one. But this week things seemed to be getting back on track. Well, mostly. She did end up sh*tting her pants this week.
This week she really emerged as the heart of the home, genuinely tearing up when Harry announced his plans to move back into his mum's fulltime, getting more upset blurting out Heather's news that she was also planning on leaving and looking shattered when each housemate sent their vote to sell the place.
As Ben rightfully said, Liz has "no skin in the game" when it comes to the financial investments of the house, but it's become clear living with four other misfits has been the best medicine for all of Liz's woes. The looming threat of that being taken away from her was heartbreaking to see.
Still, she was there, ready to rush to Harry's side when he was busy battling a crook tummy.
We also got to see Liz get her own when Edwina came crawling back in an attempt to seal off any potential leaks of her and The Fridge's hookup at the housewarming. For a brief moment, it looked like Liz could be getting things back on track. Even if she was fighting to not ruin another pair of pants.
So what's left for our housemates? Honestly cannot wait another week to find out.