'Five Bedrooms' Recap Episode 3: Tainted Likes
Spoilers for episode three: we saw a lot of Ben's butt.
A few months have passed and our housemates have begun to settle into a routine. One which heavily relies on seeing Ben in the nude which -- look, isn’t something I’d personally complain about so long as he didn’t complain about me making cartoon wolf “awooga” noises every time he did so.
Still, there were a few new issues on the rise this week, with more than just Ben’s bum coming to the surface. A lot of secrets were revealed, plus a few new ones made so let’s get stuck into the tenant report of who won and lost the week. This time, let’s do it in reverse -- losers to winners.
READ MORE: Meet The Housemates Of 'Five Bedrooms'
Lachlan - 0
Look, he wasn’t in this week’s episode but he’s still a grub. Don’t fight us on this.
Ben - 6
Ben is a beautiful, chiselled angel. When Simmo tells him he’s not up for a beer his immediate response is, “You feeling alright in the guts?” and that’s true mateship. Where Ben loses points is obviously being a nightmare housemate who refuses to deal with a lot of the glaring issues in his life.
Also, as someone who also ignored glaring health issues for way too long and ended up having to go into surgery, I also had to deduct a few points for Ben’s regrettable poor choices when it came to getting a mole checked out.
Add to that not telling his new housemates about his jail time or his daughter? Yeah, he was keeping a few secrets from the gang, but the discovery of a potentially cancerous mole wasn’t where the bad news ended for Ben who also found out his ex-wife was pregnant. Honestly, the only reason Ben isn’t at the bottom of the list is down to his good intentions and also he flashed his bum a lot.
It seemed like things with Ben were going well, he hadn’t flashed his genitals to a housemate an almost an entire day. And then… that kiss happened. And then… that other kiss happened. Honestly, if this episode had any more surprises it would be a piñata full of scorpions wearing tiny doll wigs. Yep, despite the first rule of no housemate hookups, Ben caught Heather off-guard and gave her a big smooch. And that wasn’t the only person he caught off guard! More on that momentarily.
Heather - 5
The love for Heather continued again this week, I was changed at a molecular level when she got her “voice of doom” on and especially adored when she tried to figure out the “pattern” to Ben’s nudie strolls. It was a shame the others cut her off and we didn’t get to see her two weeks later in the basement with a wall of newspaper clippings and string trying to piece together why Ben’s constantly whipping the goods out. Then there was the way she marched to be by Ben’s bedside after finding out about his cancer and the revelation that this is what her calm zen face looks like.
Despite being the woman of my dreams (a lot of my dreams involve me and Heather going to one of those axe throwing places and her telling me what a sh*t idea it was), we had to put Heather at the bottom of the ranks because of that KISS!
Truly if you saw that coming then congrats on the detective agency I’m assuming you’re opening. This is just so messy when you think about it not only because Heather is still married or the rule that outlaws housemate-on-housemate activity but she’s also VERY close to Ainsley who has recently formed very strong feelings for the naked tradie (coming soon to 10 if I have my way). Speaking of Ainsley...
It was another tough week for Ainsley who still struggles to hide her whopper crush on Ben which we can only see getting messier by the minute. Even attempting to find the negative -- the most Liz approach to anything -- seemed to fail as the constant rainbow in Ains’ heart shone through any of the downsides Liz tried to throw her way.
Ainsley reminds me of me when I still believed in love, 600 years ago before I took on the full-time job of being Baba Yaga. There’s also something completely pure and wonderful about how Ainsley approaches life, wanting the best for everyone (often at the sacrifice of her own happiness) and putting stickers on a shoebox to make sure no one’s feelings get hurt via the “housemate feedback”.
Liz - 3
Despite her problems with Ben’s nudity in the house, his lengthy visits to the social media station (loo) and his general -- well essence, I guess. But Liz also loosened up a little, with the advent of the negativity microphone, and her diving in to help the gang paint the place to make sure it was up to scratch for Ben’s ex-wife to visit, it was nice to see Liz relaxing into her new living arrangement.
Liz also doesn't have the best relationship with the front door.
Still, she did give me the inspiration for my new 'Real Housewives' tagline: 'A penis is not an extenuating circumstance!'
Simmo - 2
Look, Simmo may not be part of the official housemates but you could absolutely do a lot worse than have a best mate like him. From rallying the troops to get everything in the house sorted to being totally patient and kind to Ainsley as she pines after his best mate (#JUSTICEFORSIMMO), this is one solid dude.
Harry - 1
You can’t save a housemate’s life and be anywhere other than the top of the pile, come on, be serious.
Next week the gang get burgled and Liz seems to fall to pieces -- which either means something intense is about to happen or her favourite shop stopped selling her favourite wholemeal gnocchi. Only time will tell! Time for me to re-watch that episode but not just the scenes where Ben was naked, stop accusing me!!!
Five Bedrooms airs 8.40 on Wednesdays on Network 10 and WIN.
Featured image: Network 10.