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Bachelor In Paradise 2019: Why Isn't Everyone Trying To Date American Alex?

Why isn't everyone talking about this???

We are here today to talk about the mount Everest of muscle, the detrimentally dashing and the disarmingly charming American Alex -- or Amex depending on where you swing with nicknames.

Namely, we're here to talk about the strange phenomenon currently going on in Bachelor in Paradise.

Why isn't everyone in love with American Alex?

Bachelor In Paradise 2019: Why Isn't Everyone Trying To Date American Alex?
Why does no one want to canoe-dle with American Alex? Image: Network 10.

Arriving early in the piece, American Alex was slow to make an initial connection with any of our Aussie bachelorettes.

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Perhaps it was because he was too beautiful, his eyes too kind, maybe his soft manner and gentle spirit were off-putting to women more used to being screamed at about where they sit on the "Fit as F**k" scale.

Eventually, American Alex found a slight spark with Brooke, but for us it was like watching a bonfire. Two mortifyingly attractive people realising they are perhaps too good looking to ever truly be "happy" with us mere mortals sitting at home in a connect-the-dots of laksa stains on our couch cushions.

And while they appeared to connect and have solid banter, Brooke wasn't limiting herself to just one hulking Mount Everest of muscle. As she explored connections with Nathan and Alex Nation, American Alex sat on the sidelines, tucking sunscreen between his nine-pack abs.

And yet, none of the other bachelorettes seem even slightly interested in a man who not only made Brooke a "welcome back from your date" hot chocolate but also quite literally gave her the shirt off his back.

Thankfully we're not the only ones to notice the glaring issue when it comes to American Alex simply not getting the praise he deserves for being... you know, really, really ridiculously good looking.

American Alex -- full name American Alex Bordyukov -- said one thing people often misjudge him for is assuming he's a player. The 6'2" information systems supervisor also said he was going to Paradise to find a love where he and his partner "add to each other's loves without giving up their individuality".

Before appearing on Season 13 of The Bachelorette US, Alex revealed the most romantic present he ever gave someone was a whole bloody car.

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"I like giving practical gifts," he said, probably while grating a full brick of cheese on his abdomen.

At the end of the day, American Alex admitted he doesn't want to be with anyone that doesn't want to be with him, so... it's pretty obvious... if the bachelorettes on this season of Paradise are blind to his charms, muscles, eyebrows, good hair, nice personality, good manners, weird flippy things he does when he works out and his many other facets (did we mention muscles?) well... we're right here.

Thank you. See you at the Walkleys.

Featured image: Network 10 / emojipedia.org.