The Bachelorette 2018: Love Me Harder

Hello my lovefools, welcome back to another week of glorious dating shenanigans!

We open the episode with news from Osher that it’s the final group date! He says that it really snuck up on us, which is interesting because I feel like it’s been 800 years since this season began. Time, eh?!

Osher rhymes “early start” with “look the part” and presents them with some Lederhosen. I didn’t know that these outfits included hats that look remarkably similar to fedoras, but here we are!

Personally, the only person I think can pull off a fedora is Britney Spears, but that may just be my incredible bias talking.

Ali says something about how it’s Oktoberfest, and I’d just like to point out that it is November, but okay!

With hometowns just around the corner Ali’s focused on family, and to celebrate that, their group date is Oktoberfest-themed and the goal is to drink as much beer as possible have fun. The guys are HYPED, and whoever wins will get some extra time with Ali.

The first challenge is a pretzel ring-toss, and Todd nominates himself to go first. Missing the board, his second-chance card from Osher grants him the ability to blindfold one of his competitors, and would you believe, he chooses Charlie!

Blind Charlie also misses the wheel altogether, which makes Bill giggle maniacally and call him an idiot. It’s like he’s absorbing all the salt from the pretzels!

As always, the whole date quickly devolves into another Bill versus Charlie spectacle. They dump sauerkraut on each others’ heads. Charlie does that thing where he takes everything too seriously, smiling while being completely dead behind the eyes, like Tom Cruise! It’s unnerving and decidedly Not Fun! But go off I guess!

The next game is “Beer Goggles”, where they have to carry beer steins through an obstacle course while blindfolded. Ali will be guiding them because this is a game about trust and communication.

Bill goes first, and he grabs eight beer steins, which prompts Charlie to say that he could carry nine or 10.

Lemme tell ya, this is exactly like this one time when I was working in retail and one of the salesmen said that he could eat 20 cheeseburgers in one go, and one of my BFFs said “that’s not even that many, I reckon I could eat 30!” Anyway the salesman ate 11, and my friend ate five and a half a threw up. It was extremely funny and I still make fun of him to this day for it!

After Taite, Todd and Daniel the Whomst have their turns, Charlie tries his hand(s) at carrying nine steins. Ali gives him terrible instructions and Charlie ends up with only four full beers which leaves him “disappointed”, a feeling he should get used to because Ali then chooses Bill for some alone time like a real little troll doll!

They order some German food for dinner, because nothing says romance like blood sausage and heavy starches!

They sit down in a wood shed that’s lit with the fire of a thousand candles, and to take the edge off the stress of sitting amongst an incredible fire hazard, they make martinis.

Bill tells Ali that he’s all in, and that he’s quite literally ready to close up shop -- his own business in Melbourne -- and move to Adelaide for her. Ali is incredibly won over by the fact that he’s thought about what their future together would look like.

With her doubts about his intentions at ease, they spend the rest of the date pashing.

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Onto the single date, and it’s Taite’s time to shine! Ali says that she’s looking for him to open up more and to tell her that her feelings for him are reciprocated.

They meet up on a cliff overlooking the beach and immediately start pashing. They’re set for a day at the beach, which is like… actually a nice date?!?! Reader, I’m just so happy she wasn’t like “surprise we’re gonna throw ourselves off this cliff, hope you don’t mind sharing your deepest fears on the way down!”

They go for a swim, and pash more. Like… a lot more.

Ali says she can “feel how much he likes her when he looks at her” which is like… “when he looks at you” okay sure babe. These two are so hot for each other!!!

Ali straight up tells him that she needs reassurance that he has feelings for her, and then immediately follows that by asking him if he’s open to being engaged by the end of the year. It’s extremely full on! My Sagittarius ass would’ve hopped the rockpool fence and began swimming to freedom, but Taite’s like “um I guess???”

Ali finds this acceptable, and then asks her final question, which is about relationship dealbreakers. Taite says that he struggles with self-doubt, and Ali’s very confused and begins wondering if he would end up leaving her.

Eventually, Taite says that he likes her but that he wants her to be sure that he’s the guy for her, and that although he’d be ready to say ‘I love you’ if she chose him, he won’t say it before then. Ali leaves this conversation unsure of whether Taite’s worth the “risk”, as he hasn’t given her the level of reassurance that some of the other guys have.

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Onto the last cocktail party and Taite returns without a rose. Charlie describes this as “quite funny” because he doesn't know what jokes are! Lighten up babes!

Daniel Whomst steals her for a chat, but right as he’s about to “plead his case” to Ali, Todd interjects, throwing him off his game. He doesn’t end up telling her how he feels, it’s sad and awkward at the same time!

Although we don’t see Ali and Todd’s chat, he describes it as “the best chat they’ve had”, which I’m sure is why it’s not in the episode!!! Ali and Charlie are seen having a nice little chat, and as Bill and Ali catch up, Taite says that he’s “nervous as s**t” and has a lot of regrets about not opening up more on their date.

Rose ceremony time, and Todd gets the first rose! Charlie’s up next, followed by Bill.

This leaves us with Daniel and Taite, and duh, Taite gets the last rose.

Ali and Daniel say a nice goodbye, he wishes her well, and that’s that! We’re down to four, so come back tomorrow for hometowns!

Live laugh love, my little lovebugs!

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