The Bachelor 2018: Nick's Shock Finale Decision An Australian First
All the spoilers in the world, you've been warned!
In the record-scratch moment to end all record-scratches, we ended our 'Bachelor' journey with Nick dumping both Brittany AND Sophie!!!!!!!!
Here's how we got here.
We opened with a song that sounded A Lot like "Apologise" by Timbaland and One Republic. FORESHADOWING!!
Our top two, Britt and Soph, were spending some quality time alone in New Caledonia.
We found Brittany meditating pensively on a gorgeous, tropical beach, while Soph was taking a pensive swim. It was all VERY tense and VERY pensive!
Nick touched down, and -- upon meeting up with his family -- his dad said that he looked "emotionally older".
Both the girls met with Nick's family, who grilled each of the girls about their feelings for old mate Honey.
While Nick was with Britt and his family, he said that he was finding it really difficult to choose between the girls and, if you thought Britt's glare was intense when she was confronting Cass last week, wowee. She did not love that!
Nick's sister was like, "If we could combine the two girls, THAT girl would be the PERFECT match for Nick!!!"
Lemme tell ya, that's the exact plot of a season two episode of Buffy, and huns, it did not work out great for them!
Anyway, Nick took both girls out on a final date, and honestly, at this point, who cares what they did because it's NOT GOING TO CHANGE THE OUTCOME.
Moving right along!
Britt said that the connection between her and Nick was "like nothing [she'd] ever felt before".
"I’m completely falling in love with Nick," she said before adding: "Oh my God, I do love him."
Huns, she DROPPED THE L-BOMB (not to him though, play it chill sweets!).
Meanwhile, Soph was feeling the stress of the situation and told Nick's brother that she longed for the day when it would just be her and Nick.
After her date with Nick, Sophie let all those barriers that have held her back this season go, and said: "It's clear that I'm falling in love with you".
Nick didn't say s**t, fam! He just kissed her!
When he sat down to chat with Britt, he was slightly more transparent with her (and I really do mean slightly).
He basically gave her an "it's not you, it's me" speech that involved "I don't know if the timelines [of our lives] match" and something about how Britt "oozes a complete energy" and he's not sure he's oozing that same energy, or something. I don't even know, but I made sure to get that quote about oozing down for you, dear reader, because if I had to suffer through it, then ALL OF YOU DO, TOO!!!
As Britt left the conversation, they broke the fourth wall for like, 0.004 seconds, long enough to hear Britt say "... fuck" at the realisation that he probably wasn't going to pick her.
All of a sudden (not really, we're about an hour in by this point), it was time for Nick to make the big decision, except that he LITERALLY DID NOT MAKE ONE.
Nick was like "I like you a lot Sophie", and then dropped this on her: "I am not able to commit to you, wholeheartedly, right now. At this point, our journey comes to an end."
Sophie, an angel on Earth, took it like a motherflippin' champ. Two seconds after having her heart stomped on in front of the nation, Sophie said: "Brittany is amazing, so I wish you all the best, I really do."
Even as she left, she doubled down on her love for Britt, saying:
"I never knew what he had with Britt, it must've just been that little bit better. As much as I am hurting right now, I'm really happy for her. I really am. If it's not me, then I'd hope it would be someone like Britt."
Next up was Britt, and it was like, okay, here we go, here's our winner, and THEN, Nick said THIS:
I’ve developed strong feelings for you, and I know you’re ready. When I say those three words, I wanna really mean it. From this point forward, I won't be entering into any relationships if I can't give a hundred percent, because I'm not looking for a girlfriend, I'm looking for a life partner.
I can't give a hundred percent of me to you.
My head is very clouded. Right now I'm a little bit lost and because of that I have to say to you that this time has come to an end, and to let you go."
Britt was like "I guess that's it," and Nick was like "Thank you for sharing" which is highkey a bonkers note to end on but like, what's NOT bonkers about all of this?
While Nick delivered a monologue about how much it upsets him to hurt people, Britt was in the car processing what the eff had just happened, and realised that poor Soph was sitting in a hotel somewhere, thinking Britt had won.
She also called her Bachelor journey a "colossal waste of time" which was like, wow, tea.
Anyway, she asked to go see Sophie, and the BFFs -- who've been close throughout the season -- were soon having a tearful reunion.
There was a lot of "you look so beautiful!" and "I've missed you so much!"
Britt was like "this is almost laughable" and then dropped the bomb on Sophie, who was as shook to the core as the rest of us!
"Are you kidding? Are you f**king joking?" Soph repeated at least three times.
Britt explained what happened and Soph was like "wow, to not find one girl" and Britt was like "I feel sorry for him".
"You know what, it's Nick's loss," Britt finished.
We cut back to Nick looking sad on a beach and talking about how the right girl's out there but honestly, whatever.
Britt and Soph may not have found their soul mate, but they found their soul sister in each other.
Anyway, come back next week, because The Bachelorette is starting! Will Ali find love, or will she dump two guys on a gorgeous tropical beach?! There's only one way to find out, and that's to tune in!