The Bachelor 2018: Kill Bill Vol 3 - Love Is A Battlefield
In which Nick makes the girls confront their fears of reversing a car, samurai fighting and intimacy.
Hi team, happy Thursday night.
It's almost the end of the week, let's get right into it, yeah?
We kick things off at some kind of motor speedway, and Britt and Sophie are hyped!
Meanwhile, it's MORE SPORTS, so I'm here like:
(Is this even a sport? I don't know but I don't CARE!)
For the group date this week, we've got Dasha, Sophie, Britt and Brooke competing for one-on-one time with Nick.
Dasha's into it, she wants to win so she can follow up on their first date. Meanwhile, Sophie is like "mmmmmmmmm keep it????"
For the first challenge, they have to drive through an obstacle course, while BLINDFOLDED, taking direction from Nick via walkie-talkie.
Here's a list of things I don't like about this challenge:
- Driving manual
- Being blindfolded
- Obstacles, both as a course and just generally in my life
- Taking direction from anyone
- Having to do all of the above at once
Anyway, Dasha's hopes are quickly dash-ed (ha get it?) against the wall, because she doesn't know how to drive manual. (Same, it's like, why make things harder for yourself?).
They're also battling it out for "a box of avocados" and it's honestly like, I get it because I love an avo, but like, you're not going to be able to finish A WHOLE BOX of them by yourself???? That's wild???
As a side note, here's a GIF I saved from Tumblr like five years ago depicting how avocados don't travel well.
Never thought I'd have the opportunity to share this with the masses, wow, I guess I love this challenge.
Sophie's up first and she actually kind of crushes it until the final moment when she hits the final traffic cone.
Britt's next, and Nick prefaces her turn by saying that she's "good at everything", so obviously, she flounders on this challenge. No one's perfect!
Nick breaks down the math for us as to how they got in this kerfuffle:
Anyway, they both live, and I think that's what's important here.
Brooke nails it and doesn't knock any of the cones over, and then it's Dasha's turn.
Needless to say... it does not... go well. She basically stalls the car over and over and over again, while everyone laughs.
Back at the mansion, Cass is telling the other girls that this is the first group date she hasn't been on. She says that she can't wait for the girls to get back and tell them what they did, but what she means is "I think it's finally my turn for a single date?"
Is she correct? We don't have to wait long to find out, because Tenille just found a date card, which is all about "catching up" and "starting an adventure".
On the outside, Cass is like "wow sounds cool" and on the inside, is very much like "it's me it's me it's me
Of course, the date goes to Jamie Lee. Cass is not thrilled.
Back on the group date, round two is another mental challenge where they have to reverse as fast as they can in some kind of Fast and the Furious spin out. I DON'T KNOW, I DO NOT WATCH CAR MOVIES.
Turns out, Sophie's scared of reversing cars!
Everyone survives, and Sophie faces her fears, but she does run over a cone:
As a reward for being a good sport about the whole thing, Sophie wins extra time with Nick in this insane car-themed lounge. He also gives her a box of avocados, noting that they're "all ripe", which means they'll all go off on the same day, so again, I think, "was this worth it????"
She should sell them to the other girls in the house.
Anyway, with a lap full of avos, Sophie opens up to Nick about her feelings for him and her fears about being in the environment of the house.
They make a deal to keep having these deep conversations. Meanwhile, the only deals I'm making are like, "if you walk home from work then you can get Uber Eats for dinner". We've all got stuff going on, I guess.
Nick tells Sophie to "dig a little deeper" in her box of avos, and she finds herself a rose.
Anyway, it's time for Jamie Lee's single date.
Nick tells JL that he's "bringing Japan to them", which is shorthand for "this date is like Kill Bill".
Jamie Lee, who is still wearing a moon boot, is less than thrilled at the prospect of being decapitated.
Thinking about the irony of going on a Kill Bill date when you literally can't even move your toe because it's in a f**king moon boot.
Nick spends this part of the date thriving, while poor Jamie Lee struggles to even hold her sword without being corrected.
They go for sake, where Nick's like "tell me what makes you you", and it's like, sis, maybe throw her a softball question first??? Ask her like... what type of food she likes? What's her favourite movie? Literally, anything that's not like a deeply personal question about herself and her approach to LIFE ITSELF???
He's SO EARNEST and never breaks eye contact, and it's so much to take in.
After staring at her in silence for minutes, he's like "weird, I thought she was mysterious but she doesn't want to reveal her soul to me????? Huh, chicks, aye? Oh well!"
Jamie Lee worries that she's ruined her chance with Nick, and it's onto the cocktail party.
JL has returned to the mansion without a rose -- the first to return from a single date without one -- and all the girls are like "yikes, that's awk!"
Meanwhile, Tenille is still shook after being interrogated by the human lie detector last night.
During her chat with Nick, he's like "Weird that Tenille doesn't wanna share her deepest hopes and dreams and fears with me after one date???" and Tenille's like "have you tried not asking incredibly direct questions and maybe like... just letting a conversation take its natural course?" and he's like "lol no?????"
Tenille leaves the conversation in tears, and Nick watches her, like this!
Creepy! Anyway, he's like "wow maybe this is my fault?? ? ?" and goes to have a chat with her, where Tenille tearfully makes the decision to leave of her own accord.
Meanwhile, the girls are like "what's happening, when the f**k is this rose ceremony happening, I just want to go to bed". Poor Soph is exhausted!
Osher comes in, and Shannon SIGHS SO LOUDLY and ROLLS HER EYES and huns, I screamed. She's so over it, maybe I stan Shaz now.
Her exasperation doesn't last for long though. Osher reveals that Tenille has left and says that "Nick has a lot on his mind so he's gone home for the evening", which made me laugh out loud because I also love any excuse to leave a party and go to bed early.
Anyway, the girls are devo, but they're all safe for the evening because, with no Nick, there's no rose ceremony!
And that's that! Come back next week when Cass FINALLY gets her single date, where she "jokes" that if they die on their date, at least they'll die together. I was going to make a joke about the old couple from Titanic here but honestly I can't because it makes me too emotional.
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Feature image: Ten