Noel and Liam Gallagher's 40 Best Celebrity Insults

On Saturday morning, 'The Loop' is showcasing the best of Britain, so we thought we'd join the party by showcasing the best British insults from everyone's favourite feuding siblings, Noel and Liam Gallagher.

  1. Noel, on Liam: “He’s rude, arrogant, intimidating and lazy. He’s the angriest man you’ll ever meet. He’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup.”
  2. Noel, on Liam: “I read these interviews with him and I don’t know who the guy is who’s in these interviews, he seems really cool, because the guy I’ve been in a band with for the last 18 years is a fucking knobhead.”Noel, on his Oasis bandmates: “I spent 20 years in a band making records by committee. I’m f**ked if I’m going to do that now. I think Oasis was at its best when I was solely in charge, anyway.”
  3. Liam, on Noel: I've had more fun with a tin of sardines."
  4. Liam, on Noel: "Potato."
  5. Noel, on Kanye West: “Somebody needs to buy that dumbass a dictionary so he can look up the word 'artistry'... Get him a dictionary from me, I’ll f**kin’ sign it and give it to him so he can look it up.”
  6. Noel, on Beyoncé: “[If the word 'artistry'] applies to Beyoncé then f**k me.” 
  7. Liam, on The Scissor Sisters: "Bright colours and f**king weirdos on stilts? I'm more entertaining than that s**t."
  8. Noel, on Bono: "Play 'One' and shut the f**k up about Africa."
  9. Liam, on ageing: "I've mellowed, but not inthe sense of liking Radiohead or Coldplay."
  10. Liam, on Radiohead: “I heard that f**king Radiohead record and I just go, ‘What?!’ I like to think that what we do, we do f**king well. Them writing a song about a f**king tree? Give me a f**king break! A thousand year old tree? Go f**k yourself!”
  11. Noel, on hip-hop: “I f**king despise hip-hop. Loathe it. Eminem is a f**king idiot and I find 50 Cent the most distasteful character I have ever crossed in my life.”
  12. Liam, on Florence Welch of Florence + The Machine: "I'm not having someone with ginger hair making music. I'm not going down that road."
  13. Noel, on Blur: “The thing that gets me is, people will say that [Blur’s] the Beatles and we’re the Stones. The fact of the matter is, we’re the Beatles and the Stones, and they’re the f**king Monkees.”
  14. Noel, on Ed Sheeran: “I don’t think I can live in a world where that’s even possible. When you hear that kind of polished pop and then there’s a ginger guy with a f**king guitar it seems subversive, but it’s f**king not.”
  15. Liam, on George Harrison: "I still love George Harrison as a songwriter in The Beatles, but as a person I think he's a f**king nipple, and if I ever meet him, I'll f**king tell him."
  16. Liam, on George Harrison and Keith Richards: “They’re jealous and senile and not getting enough f**king meat pies.” 
  17. Noel, on Billie Joe Armstrong of Greenday: “F**k right off. I’m not having him. I just don’t like his head.”
  18. Liam, on Robbie Williams: “He’s a f**king drama queen. You make a crap album then want everyone to feel sorry for you. Tosser!”
  19. Liam, on Robbie Williams: “I’d like to f**king hang Robbie Williams onstage. What’s he done to me this time? Nothing. He’s just somebody I’d like to hang.”
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  20. Noel, on Robbie Williams: “You mean that fat dancer from Take That?” 
  21. Liam, on Bloc Party and indie music: “I really despise this new f**king disease of indie f**king s**t, f**king student music, the likes of Bloc Party and all that f**king nonsense. They don’t keep me awake at night, but it’s just s**te, and they can f**king have it mate.”
  22. Noel, on Phil Collins: “You don’t have to be great to be successful. Look at Phil Collins.”
  23. Liam, on Muse: “Muse f**king scare me. They’re like f**king creepy shit. But people like ’em. They at least play guitars, but when I hear his voice I’m like, Ah, f**k him.”
  24. Noel, on Sum 41: “I’m just glad I lived long enough to hear the s**tiest band ever.”
  25. Liam, on Alex Kapranos of Franz Ferdinand: "He reminds me of f**king Right Said Fred. You put on ‘I'm Too Sexy For My F**king Thing’ next to their records and I bet you any money it's the same person. It's the same f**king person!"
  26. Noel, on Kaiser Chiefs: “Well, they are, though. The worst thing about them is that they’re not very good. They play dress-up and sit on top of an apex of meaninglessness. They don’t mean anything to anybody apart from their fucking ugly girlfriends.”
  27. Noel, on Kaiser Chiefs: "I did drugs for 18 years and I never got that bad as to say, 'You know what? I think the Kaiser Chiefs are brilliant'."
  28. Liam, on Ozzy Osbourne:  “How come everyone thinks he’s great? He’s a bit of a f**king mong, if you ask me.”
  29. Noel, on Jack White: "Jack White has just done a song for Coca-Cola. End of. He ceases to be in the club. And he looks like Zorro on doughnuts."
  30. Liam, on The White Stripes: “The White Stripes? F**king rubbish. School ties? At the age of 24? F**king hell.”
  31. Noel, on Keane: “I feel sorry for Keane. No matter how hard they try they’ll always be squares. Even if one of them started injecting heroin into onto his cock people would go ‘Yeah but your dad was a vicar, good night’.”
  32. Liam, on Mumford and Sons: "They look like f**king Amish people. You know, them ones with the big sidey that don't use electricity? Growing their own food and putting barns up."
  33. Noel, on One Direction: “F**king idiots… They’re all winning. No one’s losing! The only people who are losing are idiots like me at 9.30 in the morning when you’re trying to get the kids out the door for school, and they’re f**king murdering one of Blondie’s songs.”
  34. Liam, on Victoria Beckham’s autobiography: “She can’t even chew gum and walk in a straight line at the same time, let alone write a book.”
  35. Noel, on Alex Turner of the Arctic Monkeys: "I would rather drink petrol straight from the nozzle at a garage than listen to an interview with Alex Turner from the Arctic Monkeys."
  36. Liam, on Coldplay's Chris Martin: "Chris Martin looks like a geography teacher. What's all that with writing messages about Free Trade? If he wants to write things down I'll give him a pen and a pad of paper. Bunch of students."
  37. Noel, on Thom Yorke of Radiohead: “No matter how much you sit there twiddling, going, 'We're all doomed', at the end of the day people will always want to hear you play 'Creep'. Get over it."
  38. Noel, on Radiohead: “Making records should be fun. I remember seeing Radiohead on the cover of a magazine in the U.K. when 'In Rainbows' came out, and it said, 'Radiohead: The Pain'. And I thought, ‘Won’t you f**king give it a rest, you bunch of moaning children?’ The pain? Of making an album? I don’t buy it. If you’re not having a laugh, then don’t do it.”
  39. Noel, on James Blunt: “If I was to write songs literally about my life, heavens above, they would probably be more boring than James Blunt. If at all that is possible. Which of course, as we all know, it isn’t.” 
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