Pete Davidson Says He Was 'Jerking Off' To Ariana Grande Before He Met Her
All hail the nightmare king, may his rein never end.
Your body is probably limp with the cumbersome weight of the voracity of Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande content that seems to spray across the internet like a misfiring meat grinder.
Well, grab your best protective goggles because we've got some steaming hot garbage content from the silver-tongued king of horrors himself.
Davidson recently appeared on The Howard Stern Show where he regaled the radio host with how he and Grande met.
The pair had both recently broken up with their exes, Grande with Mac Miller and Davidson with Larry David's daughter Cazzie.
"She says the first time she saw you was in one of those -- I guess the writers meeting," Stern said.
"My boy Dave, who worked there at the time, we were just looking at each other like, 'What the f**k is this thing?'", Davidson said adding, "Like a robot."
It escapes us if it was Shakespeare, Keats or one of the other romantics who first coined the line, "What the f**k is this thing?" but it still remains one of the classics, doesn't it?
Anyway, Davidson went on to ponder the idea of relationships and said, "Some people are meant to be together and some people aren’t, even if they’re good people, some people are not good in relationships together."
The pair were linked by Justin Bieber's longtime producer Scooter Braun and despite Davidson's best efforts -- scrolling through a "list of hot guys" Grande might be better suited to date -- the pair began their whirlwind romance.
It was when Stern asked Davidson how he deals with all the attention Grande must get from admirers that really will go down as the first draft for their wedding vows.
"I get it," Davidson said before explaining, "I was jerking off to her before I met her!"
"Who knew I was practising this whole time?"
And while practice does make perfect, the terrifying anecdotes continued with Davidson revealing "Any time we're intimate I'm always apologising and saying thank you. 'You're awesome for doing this, thank you so much'."
The 24-year-old described his love life with his future wife as "like I'm wearing VR glasses" and we think that's just neat.
Ah, young, terrifying love.