Kylie Jenner Has Deceived Us For The Last Time
More like KyLIE Jenner!
Heavy-heartedly, we are forced to report that Kylie Jenner is a merchant of lies, peddling her mistruths and deceit to the masses like a plumped-lipped Rumplestiltskin.
Today we stand vigilant and say "no more!" to Jenner's disregard for honesty and truth, today it ends.
On September 19, 2018, Jenner posted an innocent-seeming tweet which read, "last night I had cereal with milk for the first time. life changing".
Like many of Jenner's tweets, it in itself became newsworthy. She is one of the most famous women in the world and for her to discover this foreign concept of "milk" being paired with "cereal" seemed appropriate for a discussion.
What other pairings had the young billionaire not experienced? Cookies and cream? Peanut butter and jelly? A tall glass of frosty orange juice after a vigorous brushing of the teeth?
Yes, everything seemed joyous, the world was colourful and full of the sounds of children laughing -- not annoying children either but the cool ones you only see in movies who have spectacular yet anachronistic taste in music so you know they're cool kids.
Jenner even documented her shenanigans on Snapchat, with her BFF Jordan commenting alongside her. The pair were rollicking with the discovery that Jenner had never experienced cereal and milk together and "nothing was ever the same" according to the Lip Kit prevaricator.
But nothing in this world is untarnished, dear reader, because it appears the youngest of the Kardashian-Jenner clan was, in fact, lying to our faces.
Hidden among the celebrations of Jenner's new life as someone who had crossed the threshold into "having had cereal with milk" was a reply that had surfaced a photo of Jenner's dated April 25, 2013.
The image in question clearly depicts a bowl of what can only be described as some kind of corn and/or bran flake cereal paired with strawberries, blueberries and a hearty pouring of what can only be described
Some came to Jenner's defence, claiming the bowl could be filled with yogurt as if yogurt could ever be that fluid, that seamlessly liquid and neatly poured into a bowl.
The caption on the image reads, "he keeps me healthy" however it appears "he" does not keep her honest.
Jenner has woven a tapestry of lies and, if we are not careful, she will lure us into her mansion of deceit and we will forever be trapped, eating handful after handful of dry cereal with nothing to soften the arid corners of our Cinnamon Toast Crunch but our own salty tears.
This story has been an important, difficult one to write -- and we definitely didn't milk it.
Featured image: Getty.